A Hell of A Time
by Rater202
Summary: Taylor learns something about her mother and meets a cousin she never knew she had after awakening to a certain heritage. Story unbetad and written by the seat of my pants, rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

**A Hell of a Time**

"Taylor, your mother, she had a stipulation in her will that, in the event that something like this happened, I give you this."

Dad had gone up to the attic and pulled out this old chest with a skull for a lock, before bringing it to me room. I was incredulous.

"She, she had plans in case I got trapped in a locker?"

"No, nothing that specific," Dad answered, "she wanted me to give you this if you ever, well..." He gestured to my face and I understood.

I'd changed, when I'd woken up in the hospital. My eyes, my ears, my teeth. With fangs like a vampire's, red cat eyes, and elf ears, I looked like some kind of female monster from one of those Japanese cartoons. Dad tried not to draw too much attention to it, but... Apparently I was a parahuman now. That's what the agent from the PRT said, but I've got no clue what my power is supposed to be. Could looking like a cartoon monster be a power by itself? If it did, it was a lame power.

"Anyway," dad continued, "your mother was very insistent that I never look in there, so I'll leave you alone. If you need anything, just call for me."

"Okay Dad."

Dad left, and I decided to take a look in the chest. I might as well, it's there, and I might learn something about mom. Inside the chest were some books, a case of some kind, and a manila envelope. I opened the envelope and inside was a letter, which I read.

 _Dear Taylor_

If you're reading this, then I've died, for some reason or other, before I could share the contents of this box with you. I've got a secret, something that I never told your father. You might be thinking that you're a parahuman, but if your father gave you my chest, then you're not.

It's a bit of a bombshell, and one I can't tip toe around, so I'll just come out and say it. I'm not human, I'm a demon. You might not believe that, but one of the books in my chest is a photo album containing pictures of my true form and of some other demons.

I put the letter down, and went through the chest looking for the photo album. Upon finding it, I flipped it open the album and on the first page was a picture of mom when she was about my age, wearing a tank top, elbow length gloves, knee high boots, a mini shirt, and three belts, all made of black leather. She was smiling and had the same pointed ears, red eyes, and fangs that I had. I flipped a few pages to see more photos of mom, and other people with the red eyes, or with the ears, or with the fangs. a couple of girls with bat wings and spaded tails... some of whom made me feel somewhat inadequate, I flipped another page and saw... Holy shit, is that a dragon? I shook my head, closed the album and went back to the letter.

Now, you might be wondering what this means for you. It means that you're half-demon. Now, when you first came out, and throughout your early childhood, you looked and acted like an ordinary human child, so I didn't say anything, but if you've been given this, then your demon-blood has awakened.

You might be wondering why a demon would have a child with a human, well, it's a long story that I have recorded in my journal, and that's somewhere in my chest, but the gist of it is that in a bit of teenage rebellion, I ran away from home and started exploring human worlds. After a few centuries, I decided to disguise myself as a human and attend a human college, met your father, and fell in love. I think it's his hair. An attraction to brown haired humans kind of runs in our family.

I digress. With your demon blood awakened, you should be developing al sorts of special powers. Now, by default, you should be or will soon be stronger and tougher than most humans, but beyond that, you'll have to train. In the chest are books, some on magic, some on weapon techniques, and some on netherworld history and the nature of demons. I'd wanted to teach you this stuff myself, but stuff happens. Learn what you want from the history books, and if you want to develop your powers, look through the other books, find a fighting style you like, and work on it. You will need to fight to get stronger, keep that in mind.

By now, you might be wondering by now, "aren't demons evil?" Well, not quite. Now, there are quite a few more villainous demons than villainous humans or, but for the most part, we tend to simply be more mischievous than the average... Though a great many demons take pride in claiming to be evil. If your demon blood has awoken, you may feel some more mischievous urges. This is natural.

Regardless, If you choose to develop your powers, then whether you use them for good, evil, mischief, or just for fun, then wherever I am, I'll always love you.

Love, Mom.

I set the letter down. That, it was a lot to take in... part of me wanted to lock everything up and never touch it again, but another part wanted to learn more... After mom's flute was stolen, the only thing I had that connected me to her was that we had the same black hair, but this would be something big we could have in common... I went digging though the chest, pulling out the case and more books than could possibly have fit in there, and a second case at the bottom. Opening the first case, I found a cell phone, a bank card, and some kind of catalog. I put them back in. The second case had clothing-the same outfit Mom had been wearing in the photos, or at least a similar one. Then I looked at some of the books, too many to read just now, though the one titled "Krichevskoy family history" seemed interesting.

After about an hour of just checking book titles, I decided to start putting stuff away to check later. It was when I had a literal dozen heavy tomes in my arms that I realized that I shouldn't be able to lift that much weight, and I remembered what Mom's letter said about being stronger than most humans.

As I'd put away the last of the books and gotten to the case containing mom's outfit, a thought occurred to me... She was about my age when she wore this, and we did have the same body type... I'd have never thought about this before but... I apparently had super strength and a "costume" right here... No mask, but it's not like I can hide my identity anyway, without whatever mom did to disguise herself as human... Maybe, just maybe I should sneak tonight and have a little fun?


	2. Chapter 2

**A Hell of a Time**

It was fifteen minutes after leaving home that I realized that going out at night, dressed like a goth hooker, in January was a stupid idea. I was cold and in general regretting this stupid decision. At the same time, I didn't want to go back home just yet. It was like, it was like there was something I needed to do. At the same time, this felt like a stupid idea. We lived in the docks district, and the all Asian Gang in this city controlled a lot of territory down here. I didn't think that I'd run into to much trouble from them, unless I ran into Lung, but still.

I didn't know where to go or what to do, but then I heard a woman's scream and in a heart beat I was running in that direction. I found myself at the ends of an alley and five Asian men in red and green outfits were holding a young woman between them and beating the hell out of her.

"Maybe we should take her back to be a whore," I heard one say, "a girl like her could make us good money?"

I could feel rage burning and boiling up inside me, this wasn't right... Fuck, I was strong, I could stop this, so I shouted: "put her down!"

The gangsters turned to face me, and the one who spoke just laughed. "Come on," he said, "aren't you too young to be dressing like a whore, girl? You wanna take her place or something? I don't think many of our customers would like a scrawny shit like you."

Another one tapped the first guy on the shoulder, "hey, cut it out. Look at the girl's face-she's gotta be a cape."

"Yeah," the first guy said again, "but look at her, she's a bundle of twigs. She can't be that tough"

The second thug was going to respond again, but I cut him off. "I said, put her down." I raised my hands in front of me and curled them into fists. This made the first man laugh again.

"Look at her, she doesn't even know how to fight!"

I snapped, "last chance!"

The five thugs were all laughing, and one who hadn't spoken pulled a gun. "No, last chance for you," he said. "You just turn around and forget what you saw, and you don't get shot."

I glared at the man, but inside I was kicking myself for rushing into something like this. I just got my super strength tonight, and I immediately rush out... God damn it... I had super strength, maybe I had super toughness? But mom died in a car accident, if toughness like that was part of the package, then she wouldn't have died... I saw the woman between the thugs, she was looking at me through blackend eyes, pleading. I even saw her mouthing "help me."

So I charged. It was stupid, but I didn't think I'd be able to live with myself if I didn't save this woman. The man with the gun shot me and I felt a painful impact. I stumbled, but kept moving forward until I was close enough to swing at the bastard.

My fist had connected with the man's shoulders, and the thug dropped his gun and fell to the ground, painfully moaning about his arm. The thug's friends took one look at what I'd done, let go of the girl, and turned to run, but I wasn't about to let them get away. I reached out and grabbed the first one I'd heard talking. I don't know why, but I got a sudden urge to hoist him up over my head, an urge I followed. Then I threw the son of a bitch into the man who'd tried to talk sense into him, knocking them both to the ground.

The last two thugs had turned a corner at the end of the ally and disappeared. I turned back to the woman who was pushing herself up off the ground. She turned back to me.

"Thank you," she said in a hoarse voice.

"Eh, I couldn't just let them... Look, it was nothing okay." Ugh, that old cliche, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. "Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

She shook her head no, "I just need to get home-oh!"

I caught her as she collapsed. "Look, Miss, I think you need to get to the hospital."

"No, no, I just-"

She was interrupted by a new voice,"What's going on here?"

Still holding the woman up, I turned to the opening of the alley to see a blonde girl about my age but more filled out, in a white dress and a gold tiara, flying a foot off the ground. I recognized her.

"Glory Girl?" Glory Girl was a member of New Wave, a group of super heroes that had taken off their masks to make some political statement, something to do with accountability.

"Yeah, that's right. Now put the woman down."

Glory Girl curled her hands into fists and I was suddenly reminded that a girl with demon eyes, wearing all black, and holding up an injured woman probably didn't look that good.

"Look," I said to her, "this isn't what it looks like. You see these Asian thugs on the ground?" I gestured to the man with the broken shoulder and the two who had yet to get up from the ground. "They're the ones who hurt her."

"Yeah," the woman I was holding wheezed out, "she saved me."

"Oh," the superhero said, "sorry." She landed and came closer.

"She's hurt," I said to the Hero, "but she doesn't want to go to the hospital. Can you do anything?"

"Give me a second," the hero said before pulling out a cellphone and stepping further into the ally. I couldn't make out the full conversation she had on the other end, but I did overhear her saying "it wasn't me this time." After a few minutes, she came back. "Can you stay with her for a few minutes? I'm going to go get my sister."

I nodded and she flew off. Glory Girl's sister was Panacea, a healer with near miraculous abilities. My arm was starting to fall asleep and my belly hurt from where I got shot. "Miss, I'm gonna set you down now, if that's okay?"

She nodded, and after getting our backs up against a wall I kind of sat down to set her down. I stood up once she was steady and decided to check my gunshot wound. The good news was that I wasn't bleeding, but it was tender. I'd have one hell of a bruise in the morning. I counted myself lucky that I didn't take worse damage getting shot.

It was then that I noticed movement. One of the thugs, the one who'd underestimated me, was moving. He was trying to crawl away, so I stepped over him. I stepped hard, clicking the heel of my boot next to his head.

"Where do you think you're going, you son of a bitch?"

The man startled, doing some kind of half jump and flipping onto his back before trying to scoot away from me. He was practically screaming in Japanese "Watashi kara hanarete taizai, anata akuma!"

"In English please?" I have to admit, that last word stirred something in my heart.

The man, panicking, said, "stay away from me!"

"Yeah, no," I replied, "somebody has to make sure you pay for what you did, so stay put. Go it?" The man stopped moving. "Oh, and would you mind telling me what 'Akuma' means?"

"D-devil," he exclaimed, "it means devil!"

I smiled. I think I've found my cape name.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Hell of a Time**

I'd noticed something off about Panacea when Glory Girl had gotten back. She'd been oddly distant, and when she mentioned that the should probably heal the Azn Bad Boy thugs she'd been pretty cold about it... Glory Girl had noted my lack of a mask and asked if I wanted to join New Wave, but... well. Even without how odd Panacea had acted it didn't feel right, they were a family team. Also, well, going out had been an impulse decision. I didn't know if being Akuma was going to be a full-time thing... Or even if I wanted to be a hero... The two members of New Wave had looked at me funny when I'd mentioned that I wasn't sure if I'd keep doing the hero thing.

At least, when I mentioned needing to get home, they said that they'd call the authorities and give Akuma as the name of the cape who took down the gangsters, and there's been a mention of that on PHO this morning. Panacea had even healed the bruise from the gunshot.

I'd managed to sneak back in without being caught and I'd slept better than I'd had in a long time, and in general I'd woken up feeling great, which was good because today was my first day back at school. For some stupid reason, being a "parahuman" who couldn't hide what she was, by itself, wasn't enough to get me in home school or an Equivalency Program or something like that. It's bullshit, all anybody has to do is look at me to know I've got powers, and Winslow High is just lousy with gangs... And now I'm hoping that those two bastards who got away didn't give a very good description of me to anybody they might have run into. God damn it going out last night was stupid.

I made it to school just fine, with the worst happening being a few people staring at my eyes and ears. A nice toothy grin scared them off. The first class of the day was computers, which went about as well you could expect-first few minutes of people staring at me, Mrs. Knot occasionally asking me if I was okay, and then the rest of class went normally-do simple programming thing, then whatever you want. I was good in this class, and there weren't any bitches to make me worry, so programming a set of virtual wires to hold a virtual current to make a virtual light bulb took me less than half the class. Nothing else to do, I decided to check out the ABB on a few of those Parahuman wikis. I'd fought them once, and I really couldn't hide who I was, so I might have to worry about tangling with one of their capes.

The Leader of the Group Was Lung, and I'd picked the general knowledge stuff and most of the rumors: Regenerator and Pyrokinetic, the longer a fight went on, the bigger he got, he also grew scales and claws and when he got bigger, his regeneration and pyrokinetic abilities got stronger. Rumors say that he eventually sprouts wings. There were also unsubstantiated rumors that he fought the Endbringer Leviathan to a draw, one that said he owned a motorized lay-z-boy recliner, one that said he had an irrational fear of fedoras.

The only other cape was a guy who went by Oni Lee. Lee was a teleporter who left a copy of himself behind, but the copies eventually turned to dust. He's apparently not much of a talker, but beyond that...

And no other capes... I could have sworn that they had more, but that was it.

Class ended around the time I finished my research, so I logged off and left. School went pretty smoothly until Lunch time. On my way to the cafeteria, a trio of Asian students blocked off the hall. Everybody else saw what was happening and went around the other way. Winslow High, ladies, and gentlemen.

The three of them stepped forward, the one in the middle, with a red and green bandanna on his arm, looked familiar.

"My brother got arrested last night," the familiar one said, and it clicked: He looked like the thug who'd given me my name, "His friends got away, said that my brother and two others got beaten up by a monster cape girl with red eyes, black hair, and pointy ears." He cracked his knuckles, and I began to wonder if he was seriously this stupid. "Sound familiar?"

I blinked, and then answered flatly, "I've got superhuman strength and I'm tough enough to take a bullet like it's nothing." I smiled and flashed my fangs for just a second, "do you really want to do this?"

Bad Boy Junior stepped back. "No. But I'll get you back eventually, bitch." Then he and his crew turned and left.

At first, I shook my head and kept walking, but then I thought of Dad. The two runners had blabbed... If those three tell anyone else in the gang that Taylor Hebert was the cape who took out some of... I didn't think I was a big enough deal to get Lung's attention, but if a couple of thugs with guns showed up at the house or the Dockyard to get Dad... No, there hadn't been enough time. I'd talk to Dad later, and we'd talk about what to do then.

It wasn't even five minutes after getting to the cafeteria that I was accosted by a blonde guy with a swastika tattooed on his exposed arm.

"The word going around the school," the Nazi wannabe said, "is that you're a cape that fucked up some Japs or chinks or whatever last night. Kaiser's always on the lookout for capes willing to fuck up the slants." Kaiser was another Super Villain, a metal manipulator, and the leader of Empire 88, a gang of Neo-Nazis. "I know a guy, who knows a guy who says he's Kaiser's cousin." Translation, he knows a guy who knows a guy who's probably full of shit. "I can get you in, and Kaiser would probably give you a good deal for signing up. Like keeping you and yours safe from yellow fucks out to get you for what you did last night."

I gave the Hitler youth reject a fake smile. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm not so sure the Empire's for me." There's no record of the Empire having monster capes of any kind, and considering that they were Nazis, well I was dark haired, red eyed, and literally only half human. That's about as far from the ideal pure Aryan as you got, so it was unlikely that they'd let me in even if I wanted to join. "How about you let me think about it and I'll get back to you?"

The idiot who was probably trying to use me to make himself look better without thinking it through smiled and walked away, more or less confirming my assessment of his intelligence. I rolled my eyes and went to get some food.

Ten minutes later, and the fucking Trio show up. Emma Barnes, the traitorous bitch who used to be my best friend, Sophia Hess, the violent psycho who'd replace me in Emma's life out of nowhere, and Madison Clements, who I had no prior connection to. They were the three bitches who'd been trying to ruin my life for the last year and a half, they were the ones that shoved me in that locker. I saw them coming, and before they even opened their mouths I just looked at them and said "no."

"No what Taylor?" my former best friend asked, as though she were completely innocent.

"No, I'm not dealing with any of your shit today, Emma. So, you and your friends can just turn the fuck around and leave, because this is the third fucking time in less than twenty minutes that somebody has tried to bug me over something and I just want to eat and leave." I took a deep breath, and concluded: "so fuck off."

Emma looked mad, "how d-"

"About time," Sophia interrupted. Then she motioned for the others to follow and walked away. Emma had looked ever so confused before following after my violent replacement like a puppy, while Madison looked at me, shrugged, and then went after.

The rest of my school day was uneventful.


	4. Chapter 4

**Mini-Lude: Late Last Night**

Thomas Calvert's planning had been disrupted last night as he sensed a disturbance in the forces of evil, a cosmic principle that he'd trained himself to detect. There was a shift in the fate of Brockton Bay, a shift that only occurred when a specific type of being came into existence. A type of being more valuable than even the most powerful precognitive or clairvoyant Thinkers. More valuable than the most esoteric or semantic of Tinkers. More valuable than the most bullshit of Trumps.

Somewhere in Brockton Bay, was a Main Character, and Coil knew that he had to recruit or at least befriend him or her, so as to ensure his own victory. And so, Coil dropped everything so as to do research on any recent triggers and also to call Tattletale.

*end*

 **A Hell of a Time**

"Dad," I said as I took my seat in the car, "we've got to talk."

"Did something happen?" Dad sounded apprehensive.

"Well, kind of. I've got good news and bad news Dad."

Dad sighed, "the good news first please."

I smiled at him, "I don't think I'll have any more bullying problems."

"Oh thank god," Dad answered in a tone that made it absolutely clear how relieved he was. "And the bad news?"

"I-I snuck out last night."

"Oh, I knew that Taylor."

"...You did?"

Dad laughed,"yes. There's never been a time you've left the house that I didn't know about. But... Bad news?"

I took a deep breath. "I-I figured out how to use my powers... I just, it was a stupid impulse, but... I might have beaten up some ABB members."

Dad blinked. "And?"

"And one of them had a brother at Winslow. The whole school knows that I went out as a cape last night, and... The thug's brother swore revenge." I took another breath, "I'm scared Dad."

"Taylor, there are ways to keep you-"

"Not for me Dad," I interrupted, "I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for you... You don't have powers, you can't... If somebody comes after you with a gun..."

We stopped at a light, so Dad turned to me. "Taylor. I'm one of the people in charge of the Dockworkers Union. Unions always have to worry about Gangs-you're either in the pocket of the Gang or you're fighting it off." The light changed, so he turned back to the road and kept driving. "Now, unless you cost Lung a small fortune or killed his brother or something, the Bad Boyz aren't going to go out of their way to get you or me. I'm in no more danger than I already was, so relax."

"Okay." I couldn't relax, but...

"So, Dad asked, "you've figured out your powers? What are they?"

I appreciated the change in subject. "Super strength. Super toughness."

"Weren't those the first things you ruled out?"

"Yeah, well there was a letter for me in Mom's chest," I answered, "something it said made me decide to try again."

Dad smiled, "she had a way of doing things like that. Now, what are you planning to do? Now that you know your powers?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I've got a costume and a name, but I'm not sure if I want to keep being a hero or something like that."

Dad looked at me from the corner of his eye. "Where did you get a costume?"

"Mom's chest," I answered. "It had some of her old clothes in it. One outfit looked like something a Cape might wear and it looked like it'd fit, so..."

"Do you think it looks good on you?"

"Well it leaves a bit more exposed skin than I'm used to, but..."

Dad stopped the car. "How much more?"

"...It's a tank top that leaves my belly uncovered and a miniskirt... And long gloves and boots... And a couple bets across my belly."

"Okay." Dad started driving again. "Your cape name?"

"One of the thugs called me 'Akuma' after I beat him up. Apparently, it means devil. Since I look like a demon..." Well, more than look.

"Taylor you don't... You don't have to... Are you sure?"

"I've got red eyes and fangs, Dad. I can either embrace it and own it, or I can try and hide it and looks ridiculous." I laughed. "What am I supposed to do, put on a white dress and call myself Princess?"

"I see your point, Taylor, but still calling yourself 'devil?' " Dad shook his head.

I shrugged, "I like the way Akuma sounds. Besides, I ran into some heroes last night, and they know me as Akuma."

"Okay okay," Dad conceded. "Have you considered joining the Wards program?"

"Not really, no." I looked down, "I'm not sure that I want to be involved in that teenage drama."

"Well," Dad said, "I think that when we get home, we should see about giving them a call or going in, and seeing what, exactly, being a Ward entails. Just," he continued," so that you can make an informed choice."

"Okay, Dad."

We drove the rest of the way home in silence.


	5. Chapter 5

**Mini-lude 2**

 **Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.**

You are currently logged in, TT

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 **Topic: Read This**

 **In: Private Messages ►**

 **Fedora_Woman** (Original Poster)

Posted On Jan 1st 2011:

This is a PDF File. Read it, memorize it.

You'll need it soon.

PS. Think Forks.


	6. Chapter 6

**A Hell of a Time**

I walked into the PRT building with trepidation. Dad had called in and learned what to do. Because of security reasons, Dad and I couldn't come in together. I'd go in, in costume, and tell the woman at the front desk that I was here to talk with Director Piggot. When she asked why, instead of saying I was here to check the Wards Program, I'd give a randomly generated excuse. I'd then be led to the Director's office, and ten minutes later, when Dad came in, he'd give an excuse that'd been matched to mine and be led up to join me.

I was only here to check out the what joining the Wards would entail, but I was nervous. I fiddled with my skirt a bit, made sure my belts were on straight, and walked up to the front desk. "Hello, I'm here to see Director Piggot."

The woman looked up at me, blinked, and asked: "for what reason?"

I cleared my throat, "I'm a victim of crime. I'm here to complain that my cousin has been glared at by the Slaughterhouse 9." I thought it was a ridiculous excuse, but that's what they gave me to use.

"Okay," the woman replied, "I'll call down an agent to escort you to the Director's office." She typed something into her computer and a few minutes later, a man in a PRT Uniform was escorting me into a presumably Tinker-Tech Elevator, and then down a hall into an office.

Director Piggot was an obese blond woman. Part of me wondered how someone that unhealthy looking got a job in law enforcement, but then I thought that maybe she didn't get fat until after she was behind a desk, so who knows?

The director set down some papers and looked up to me, "take a seat, miss." She gestured to a pair of chairs set before her desk, and I took the one on the right. We sat there in silence, my nerves building up, until Dad was led in and took the seat to my left.

"Now," the director began, "I understand that you're interested in the Wards program?"

"Well, kind of," I began. "I just want to know what it entails right now."

"We want to know what her options are," Dad added.

"I'll start with the basic facts then," the director answered, "if you were to join the Wards Program, you would be given a trust, accessible when you turn 18, which would have a total of $50,000 added to it per year. You would be given a minimum wage salary for the first year, and double that for every year following." I looked to Dad to try and gauge his reaction, he'd probably know if it was a good deal before I did. "You would also be expected to sign a non-disclosure agreement," the director continued, "requiring that you not divulge the identities of any Ward or Protectorate heroes that you become privy too to anyone without the consent of the hero in question. You'd also be barred from discussing classified information with anyone who does not already know."

Dad nodded, "that sounds reasonable, although I've noticed that Wards merchandise is sold. If you say, made an 'Akuma' action figure, would she get any money from sales?"

"Not directly," the director admitted, "part of the standard Ward contract is signing away merchandise rights. However, almost all Wards merchandise sales go into the Wards' trust and salary funds, and your daughter would regain her merchandise rights when she graduated the program."

"I don't know if I like the idea of not having the rights to my image for over two years," I interjected.

"Well, alternative contracts can be negotiated, but they take time," the director replied, "and to be honest, unless you're a high end Trump or Tinker, or otherwise a very valuable cape to have around, you wouldn't be able to get away with anything to far removed from the standard contract."

I nodded, less than happy with that.

"Now," the director changed topics, "as a Ward, you'd be expected to attend school during regular hours, barring emergencies, and to get regular sleep whenever possible."

"You mean like a curfew?"

"No," the director replied, "I mean that the Youth Guard will start breathing down my neck if one of my Wards looks too tired."

I blinked. That was certainly earnest. Dad chuckled. "What would she actually be expected to do?"

"She'd be expected to come to Ward's meetings," the Director said. "If her brand is marketable, she might be requested to attend public relations events. As the Wards program is about learning to be Super Heroes, she would be encouraged to sign up for patrols, either with fellow Wards or with a member of the Protectorate. In the event of an emergency or a crime spree, she might be requested to assist with civilian members of a parahuman gang or low level villains. She'd also have to pass through PR and comply with the Youth Guard instituted regulations on costumes and cape themes."

"PR? Costume regulations?" I didn't like the sound of that.

"Relax," the director said to me, "you're far from the most outlandish costume I've seen." She laughed to herself, "our PR man near had a heart attack trying to talk a Ward who will remain nameless out of a giant codpiece."

I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud.

"Yes, it's quite an amusing story," she continued, "Perhaps you'll hear it in full if you choose to join. At worst, you might have to get a longer skirt. I'm afraid I don't keep up with the exact regulations. Your theme, however..."

"What's wrong with my theme?" Seconds after asking, I realized that "demon" was probably an unusual theme for a hero.

"It is my understanding," Director Piggot began, "That 'Akuma' is Japanese for Devil. Now, normally the fact that you're already known by this name would let you keep it, but... It's not a PR friendly name. Even ignoring the diabolic implications, with the Azn Bad Boyz in town, East Asian names don't test well. Coupled with the connotations of the name... Not to mention that the PRT could get in a lot of trouble for calling a monstrous parahuman within our ranks by a monstrous name, if nothing else, the Youth Guard might get on us for undermining your self esteem."

I blinked... and then I felt something hot building up in my heart. "I'm not changing it. I like the name Akuma. I like the way it sounds. As for it's meaning, I don't give a shit!"

Dad put his arm on my shoulder. "Ta-Akuma, you need to calm down."

I stood up, "No! I explained this to you, Dad, but the director needs to here this: I look like a demon." I took a deep breath, "I can either ignore it, hide away, a cry whenever someone points it out... Or, I can embrace it. I can own it, claim it as my own, and make anybody who tries to make a big deal out of it look like a fool." Not to mention, well, it was my heritage. Something I had, other than my hair, to connect me back to Mom. I looked the director in the eyes, "I'm not changing it. If your PR guy says I can't be Akuma, I'm out the door then and there, because my heart is far from set on the Wards." I took another breath, "I got an offer from New Wave last night, for one. If the Youth Guard has a problem with it, send them to me and I'll explain all of this to them too."

The director blinked. "I understand that you feel strongly about this. Please calm down, and sit back down."

I didn't sit.

Director Piggot sighed "Your reasoning is sound. I'm certain that if it's that important to you, we can take your reasoning and our PR people can spin it so that you can keep the Akuma name. That you're already known by the name and have a criminal take down credited to it helps." She motioned for me to sit, "please, calm down."

I sat back down, blood rushing to my face. I guess I over reacted. The director pulled some paperwork from under her desk. "Now, I've got here a copy of the standard Ward's contract and NDA. I know that you're not sure about joining the program, but I feel that looking over some of the paperwork might help you make your decision." She passed the paperwork forward, but, to be honest it was all Greek to me.

Dad pulled the pile in front of him. "If you don't mind," he asked the director, "as a soulless union bureaucrat I've probably got a better chance at understanding this mess than she does."

"Quite alright," Director Piggot answered. "We expect the parents to read the contracts. It'd be horribly irresponsible of them not to."

Dad nodded and went to reading. The contract was long and looked complicated, it was a good minute of awkward silence before the Director spoke up.

"While your father is going through the paperwork, Akuma, would you like to meet the Team?"

I thought about it. It'd make sense to at least try and get to know a few of the Wards. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to join, but I'd hate to sign up only to find out I'd trapped myself in two years with people I hate. Also, it might take my mind off of the fool I just made of myself. "Yeah."

The director pushed a button on her desk and a few moments later a man came into the office. "Agent Smith," she said to him, "we have a potential Ward here. Take her up to meet the team."

Agent Smith smiled, "Yes Ma'am." he looked at me, "If you'll just follow me young miss?" He motioned for me to get up and follow him, and he led me back to the elevator.


	7. Chapter 7

**A Hell of a Time**

When we got to the door that led to the Wards'... Lounge? Office? Whatever, Agent Smith pressed a button on the door and a buzzer went off.

"We have to ring in," I asked?

"It's to let them know that they needs their masks on," the agent replied. That made sense. We have let in shortly afterward.

In the room were four teenage boys and a young girl.

"Wards," the agent began, "this is... What have you been going by, again?"

"Akuma."

"Yes, this is Akuma," Agent Smith continued, "she's interested in the program and wants to meet with you all."

the five youthful heroes turned to greet me, but I didn't catch because something appeared in my vision and I stumbled.

A moment later I had an armored hand on my shoulder, and I looked up to see a kid in powered armor looking down at me, and words and numbers appeared around him: Gallant. Class: Nice Guy. Titles: Junior Hero. Level: 5. Then there were a bunch of statistics and numbers I didn't understand.

"Are you alright," Gallant asked?

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just..."

I stood straight and looked at the others. A Young man in Rust Red gave me "Aegis. Class: Meat Shield. Titles: Junior Hero. Level: 5," and more stats. Another kid in power armor, red and gold, was "Kid Win. Class: Sky Surfer. Titles: Junior Hero. Level: 5," while the young man in solid white armor decorated with clocks was "Clockblocker, Class: Joker. Titles: Junior Hero, Kid Smart Ass. Level 5." The youngest team member in her green squiggled outfit and the molded armor failing to make her look older, was "Vista. Class: Geomancer. Titles: Junior Hero, Too Old for This Shit, Amateur Demonologist. Level 11." I blinked at that one, and the words and numbers went away.

"Are you sure," Gallant asked me?

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just-"

"Something happened to surprise you," the Nice Guy finished for me.

"Yeah," I said, "how do you know?"

Gallant tapped the side of his head,"thinker power. I can pick up emotions, and I picked up surprises when you stumbled."

I'm not sure how to feel about that. "Okay."

"So," Agent Smith added, "I'll leave you to get to know each other." Then the man just left.

"Well," I said, hoping to change the subject from my embarrassing stumble, "I could have sworn that there were more Wards than this."

"There are," Aegis said, "but Triumph is doing a family thing and Shadow Stalker's running late. Apparently something came up at school, but she should be here soon." The rusty red hero gestured to a couch, a clear invitation to sit.

After reconvening at said couch, Vista looked me right in the eye, I think-visors, and said "so is that a changer effect or can you not help it?" it took me a minute to realize that she was talking about my eyes and ears... Amateur Demonologist! Did she know? "Don't get me wrong," she added, "I think it's cool, I'm just curious."

"I've been like this since I triggered," whatever that means, "if it's a changer effect, I don't know how to turn it off. That's actually part of the reason I'm here."

"Oh," Clockblocker added, "What do you mean?"

"I don't have many options when it comes to secret identities, so... Last night, I went out on an impulse and got into an altercation with some Azn Bad Boys..."

"I read about that," Kid Win interjected, "a cape by the name of Akuma took out some gangsters last night."

"Yeah," I replied, "that was me. And since I didn't have a helmet or anything to hide my eyes and ears, I went without. Turns out one of the thugs had a little brother at my school, and I can't exactly hide that I'm a parahuman looking like this. By lunchtime the whole school knew I was a cape."

"Ouch," Vista said, "suck."

"Yes," I added, "it sucks a lot. And the thug's brother swore revenge, and now I'm afraid that he or some of his friends will go after my Dad, hence my coming here."

"Well, you'll like it here," the young Geomancer changed the subject, "there's all kinds of resources here for young heroes."

"Well, um, I'm not sure if I want to join yet," I said sheepishly, "Dad just thought it would be a good idea to check it out-find out what my options are, you know?"

The younger girl continued to look directly at me. "Please join. We need more girls."

I blinked, and thought about it for a second. "Doesn't Shadow Stalker count?"

"Of course she does," the girl replied as if I'd asked a stupid question, "but there are five boys and only two girls on the team. The gender ratio is way off, we need a balanced party!"

"...Okay."

"So," the rusty red Junior Hero asked, "what exactly is your power?"

"I'm not exactly sure," I answered, "I only got them a little bit ago. All I know for sure is that I'm really strong and I can take a bullet and only get a bruise."

"Well, that's one of the perks of joining the Wards," Aegis replied, "by the time you're through evaluations, you'll know exactly what your powers are."

I shrugged. Joining up was starting to sound better and better, actually.

Then the door opened without anyone pushing that masks on buzzer button, and in walked a figure in all black, with a cloak and armor and a face concealing mask. Another set of words and numbers popped up, prompted by her arrival. "Shadow Stalker. Class: Psycho Vigilante. Titles: Probationary Ward. Level 10."

The girl in black looked around, then saw me sitting there. "You? You're joining the Wards?" She said it in an incredulous tone, and my ear twitched. I knew that voice, and... I wanted to say that it couldn't be her, but her voice, her tone, her familiarity with me... And then the words and numbers changed. Before it gave her name as Shadow Stalker. Now it gave her Name as Sophia Hess. Oh God.

Ageis greeted the vigilante and then asked her "you know Akuma, Shadow Stalker?"

If I didn't have a reason to trust the sound of her voice or the words and numbers, my most violent bully confirmed her identity by answering "She goes to Winslow. Used to be a weak little loner, then she got powers and started toughening up. Just surprised she'd go joining the Wards," she shrugged, "didn't think she was the type."

She walked past us, down a hallway to somewhere else, and... Yeah. I took a deep breath trying to calm down.

"I," I began, "I should probably get back to the director's office. My Dad's still there and..." I stood up and started heading towards the door. "I need to get back."

Gallant stood up, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," I lied, knowing that he could probably tell, "it was nice meeting you all, but I really should be getting back to my dad."

"At least let me escort you there," the Nice Guy asked, "so you don't get lost on the way down."

I was going to refuse, but then I realized that I didn't remember what floor Director Piggot's office was on. So, I nodded, and the cape led me to the elevator. To his credit, he didn't say anything the whole trip down.

When the door opened to a familiar hallway, I turned to him and said "I can make it the rest of the way on my own."

"Are you sure," Gallant asked, and I answered by nodding. I stepped out of the elevator and he let it's doors close between us. I walked down to hall to the director's door and knocked. After a moment, Dad opened the door and let me in, before returning to his seat at the Desk.

"Director Piggot," I said to the woman in question, "I've decided that joining the Wards would be a bad idea."

She blinked, "and why is that?"

"I have a history with one of the Wards," I answered, "a history that would make it awkward for us to work together, and since she was here first..."

"Alright then," the director answered, before pulling out a notepad and scrawling something down. "These," she said, tearing out the page she'd written on, "are my contact numbers. The first number is my office phone, the second is my PRT issue cell. If you change your mind, or encounter a parahuman related emergency that you feel requires PRT assistance, feel free to call."

I nodded and took the page, checking the numbers... Wait, why wasn't I getting numbers and words for her and Dad? Ugh, I'll figure it out later.

Ten minutes later, Dad and I were in the car heading home.

"Taylor," Dad asked, "was this Ward you have a history with... One of them?"

"Not now. I just want to get home."


	8. Chapter 8

**A Hell of a Time**

So apparently my life runs on Role Playing Game logic now. One of the first things I did when we got home was rush up and grab some of the books from Mom's chest, hoping that they could explain the numbers and words I'd seen. I'd found a passage in one of them that made a mention of stat screens and levels and classes and statistics and... Basically, it said that my life ran on RPG logic.

I set the book down after reading the section on controlling when the stat screen pops up, closed my eyes, and took a breath. Then I opened my eyes to see my stat screen. "Taylor Hebert/Akuma. Class: Demon Hero. Titles: Demon Lord, Independent Hero. Level: 1."

I blinked. I don't know where that Demon Lord title came from, but... I closed the book and went for that family history. I flipped it open to the Index looking for someone who might have been Mom. I couldn't find an Annette Rose, but I found several Annes and Roses. I flipped around until I found one that had that same picture of Mom from when she was my age. Anne. Daughter of Abu(father) and Bathorus(Mother), Grand Daughter of Overlord Acamarachi... Deceased? What, did this book update in real time? It said she'd married Dad, and there was an entry for me, but... I did some reading, and I was shocked. Apparently, I came from a Long Dynasty of demonic Nobles and Royals. I became curious and flipped to my Great Grandfather's entry. He'd had two sons, the younger, Abu, had been my mother's father, but the Elder, Krakatoa... Like the Volcano? Anyway, after my Great Grandfather died of a poisoning, Krakatoa had killed his father's assassin and become the next Overlord. His son, my mother's cousin, Krichevskoy... Same name as the family? I didn't see any last names in this book. Anyway, he was the Overlord next and... ah, so that's why Mom had said an attraction to brown haired humans had run in the family. King Krichevskoy had married a human witch named Gwen... And they were both deceased. They'd had a son, Laharl... who went missing several years ago.

I flipped through the book. Every last one of them was dead, missing, or had been sealed away by something. Unless Mom had been the one to add me and Dad to the book and some of these missing had turned up, I was the only one left. Well, that was depressing. I closed the book and put it and the others away.

I took out the case with the bank card, catalog, and cell phone. Looking at the cell, I noticed it had "Hellphone" written on the side, and I chuckled at the pun. The Bank Card had my mother's Demon Name, Anne, written on it along with a number, presumably her account number, and the catalog simply said "Nether-Bank and Rozen Queen Company joint Catalog-Updates in real time!" I flipped it open. I didn't think that I'd be able to buy anything, even with Mom's bank card, but it'd be nice to look. Then I checked the index and right at the top of the Nether-Bank section was "claiming an inherited or conquered bank account." I was curious, so I flipped to that page. It was easy. I just had to dial a number and give the accountant on the other end the name of the previous account holder, whether I'd inherited the account or defeated the last owner, and then the number. I had mom's phone, but... Later. I'd call in this weekend, I think, to see if it was legit, but for now, I'd just look through the catalog.

It was an hour later that I realized that I'd never changed out of my costume, but before I could get changed I heard Dad calling me from downstairs.

I stepped downstairs to find him sitting in the living room, staring at a huge cardboard box.

"What's in the box, Dad?"

"I don't know," he answered. "There was a knock on the door and it was on the porch. It's addressed to you."

I got closer and took a look. The top of the box was stamped "Rozen Queen Shipping" and said, "To Taylor." The box was huge. Rozen Queen... I hadn't ordered anything from that catalog yet. I cautiously opened the box, to find two more boxes inside. I blinked and pulled one out, then the other, heavier one.

The lighter box had a note pinned to it, which I opened and read.

 _Dear Taylor_

 _If you're reading this, then I am dead._

 _I ordered these shortly after you were born, with the instructions that they are delivered if your demonic powers ever awoke or you otherwise gained powers._

 _After a while, I began to worry that something might happen to me before you gained powers and had the instructions amended to include this letter._

 _These are far from the best items, but they're much better than most starting equipment. Use them well._

 _Love, Mom._

 _PS: You're on your own for a weapon._

 _PPS: As I'm dead, I most likely have not gotten you a birthday present for whatever year you're reading this. If this is the case, well, Happy Birthday._

I smiled and made a note to hold onto the letter. Before checking the box the letter had been attached too, however, I chose to examine the third, heavier box. There was no note, just "to Taylor" stamped across the top. Curious, I opened it, only for a brown haired child to pop out.

I stumbled back and screamed. Dad screamed, and the little girl in the box screamed, and then we were all screaming.


	9. Chapter 9

**Mini-lude 3**

It's taken all Day, but Lisa had finished her preparations-Transferred the last bit of funds, sent out the last email, and the like. Coil's questions had been intensive, and she couldn't help but wonder how the other Lisa had suffered, but she had to put that out of her mind. She felt sorry for this new Trigger, this Akuma, for whatever it was about her that got so many people interested in her, but Fedora_Woman seemed to have the Girl's best interests in mind, and by the time the anonymous woman's plan was completed, Coil wouldn't be able to hurt anyone ever again.

Brian, a handsome young black man, and Alec, a pretty white boy, were sitting on a couch in their Lair. Lisa asked, "where's Bitch?"

Brian answered, "she's walking her dogs."

Lisa sighed. She'd wanted to tell everyone at once, but... "Okay, I'll have to tell her later. Big announcement: Our Boss is Coil. His real name is Thomas Calvert, he's a Former PRT agent who killed his superior officer while fleeing from Eillisburg, he literally forced me to work for him at gunpoint, and while he won't throw us away or anything, he can and will set us up to die if he thinks it's the best way to further his goals." Lisa took a moment to breathe and continued, "in short, he's an asshole."

Brian stared at her, open-mouthed, while Alec seemed far less attentive. Lisa knew, however, that he was paying full attention.

"I've been planning to ruin him since before we were a team, and last night I was contacted by someone who also wants him gone." At least, that's what Lisa had assumed to be true. "They gave me vital information, which I verified, and using this information I have stolen his assets and businesses out from under him and arranged for his defeat-by the end of the day, he'll be dead or in jail."

"So now what," asked Alec?

"Either we go our separate ways," Lisa began, "or I keep paying everybody and we go on as we've been going-Brian," Lisa rapidly changed thought upon noticing the young man's expression, "I can easily arrange things so that it all looks legit." Brian, of course, needed legitimate looking income, so that he could get custody of his little sister. The young man relaxed at her proclamation.

"So, stick together or split?"

"I'll stay if you double my monthly pay," Alec deadpanned.

Lisa laughed, "fine. Double pay. Double pay for everyone."

"Well," Brian said, "I don't see a reason not to stick together... As long as you're sure this isn't going to backfire on us?"

Lisa smiled a wide, fox-like grin. From what the information that Fedora_Woman provided, Coil would have been screwed even without her intervention. All she's done is speed things along "We've got nothing to worry about."

It was at that moment, that Rachel, also known as Bitch, came into the lair. On a leash was a strange dog, not one of the ones that Lisa had seen Rachel with, and Rachel was covered in blood.

"Good news: New Dog," the brutish red head said on her way in. "Bad news: Hookwolf wants us dead."

Lisa blinked, and then, flatly, said "well shit."


	10. Chapter 10

**A Hell of a Time**

After a solid minute of screaming, we were all screamed out and had to stop to catch our collective breaths.

"Okay," I said between huffs, "who are you, little girl, and why were you mailed to me?"

I got a better look at her as she climbed out of the box, her brown hair was done up in a ridiculous style like she'd tried to make ribbons out of her hair and tie them back but grew them too long, and... were those wings? Like, fluffy white feathery wings? Like an angel? My first thought was that she was a parahuman, a monster cape, but I just found out demons were real last night. It's plausible that angels could be too. Anyway, the girl was in a fancy white dress with detached sleeves. Once she was out of the box I got a good look at her eyes-Red, with slitted pupils, the same as mine, but with white pupils that, really just made the whole thing freaky.

"My name is Sicily," the freaky-eyed possible angel said, "and I mailed myself to you."

I blinked. "Why?"

"So I wouldn't get lost on the way," the girl said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Aren't I a genius? I even remembered to put in air holes this time!" The girl picked up the box she'd be shipped in and turned it to show me those holes, but I was wondering what she meant by "this time."

The girl turned the box over and a book and a bag fell out. The girl picked up and pocket the book, before offering the bag to me. "Cookie?"

I looked at the bag warily, "No thank you. Now, seriously, why did you come here?"

Sicily smiled, "to meet with my cousin, of course!"

I blinked again. "And your cousin is... me?"

"According to the family history, at least," she answered with another smile, "er, well, second cousins at least."

I only had one second cousin according to the history, and... I looked at Dad, he didn't know about it, which means-

"Then you'd be Krichevskoy's daughter then?" I turned to dad, shocked, Mom's letter said he didn't know, which means-

"Yep!"

Now, now I was confused. I had to sit down I took a deep breath, and said to both of the other people in the room. "Okay, we all need to sit down and explain things in a calm rational manner. Dad," I pointed to him, "you first. Mom's letter said that you didn't know anything about..."

"Her being a demon," Dad finished for me. "She lied to you, Taylor. I knew about everything."

I looked down "Why would she lie?"

Dad sounded grim, "your mother... Something happened, something I don't like talking about, and it was related to all this netherworld stuff." He sighed, "after that, she stopped talking about that stuff around me, I imagine so that I wouldn't be reminded of it all."

"So," I began, "she lied to me..."

"So that you wouldn't bring it up around me," Dad finished for me again. "Taylor, I loved your mother to death, but she had a bad habit of taking things just a bit too far when trying to protect people she cared about."

"Oh?"

"Yes," Dad chuckled, "don't be surprised if a killer cyborg from the future shows up to threaten your first boyfriend on her behalf."

I laughed, but Dad suddenly got serious. "Seriously," he said, "don't be surprised. I wouldn't put it past her."

I blinked for a third time. "Okay," I said flatly, "so, um, that brings us back to our visitor."

The freaky eyed angel was eating a cookie. She swallowed and said "yes?"

"You say that you're my second cousin and Krichevskoy's daughter," I said, reiterating her claims, "but my copy of the family history states that Krichevskoy and his wife only had a son before the Queen died and that Krichevskoy never remarried." I looked her over, "and Krichevskoy and his wife were a demon and a human. You've certainly got demon eyes, but otherwise, you're the spitting image of an angel. Why should I believe you?"

"Do you know how stat screens work? Look mine over," the girl said with a smile, so I did.

"Sicily. Class: Demon Angel. Titles: Laharl's sister, Netherworld Princess. Level: ?" The rest of her stats were hidden by those question marks too. I'd have to look up what that meant later, but for now.

"Okay, your titles match up, but," I stumbled for the words, "How? What even is a Demon Angel, and why aren't you in my copy of the family history?"

"It's a long, complicated, and sad story," Sicily began, "a Demon Angel is someone who is half Demon and Half Angel, silly, and big brother said that all the copies of the history have been out of sync for a while now."

I blinked, "Out of... No, never mind." I'd figure out what out of sync meant later. It'd probably be an educational side-quest. "The point is, how did you find out about me? Why come to visit me now? I mean, I literally just found out I was part demon last night."

"Oh, that's easy." Sicily began, "Last night we got a letter claiming that a cousin of ours claimed a Demon Lord title, and I was surprised because I didn't know we had any cousins. So, I looked up your name in the history, found out where you lived, and mailed myself to you."

I started rubbing my temples, "and that brings us back to why."

"Because I wanted to meet my cousin, silly."

I facepalmed, and then looked at Dad. He seemed amused by the whole situation. I looked back to the so-called Demon Angel.

"Does your brother know you're here," I asked her.

"He was taking a nap when I left," she answered, "so I left him a note."

And here comes the problems, "Sicily... Do you have any way of contacting your big brother?"

"Of course I do," the winged child responded before searching herself... And searching herself... And searching herself. Then she looked around the floor where she'd dumped out the box, before turning the box over and looking inside. She turned back and looked at me sheepishly.

"...Oops."

I blinked, "oops?"

"I um, I forgot my Hellphone." She kept up the sheepish smile, "I knew I forgot something."

I face palmed again, "Okay, I've got my Mom's Hellphone. If you were going to call, do you have a number?"

She looked down, "No. I don't call the Castle or big brother very often, so I didn't memorize it."

Fucking speed dial.

"Um, Dad, help?"

Dad looked at Sicily. "Hmm, if she was able to find you so fast, Taylor, then it's likely that her brother will be able to find you just as quickly. Sicily," he said, "if you behave yourself, you can stay here until your brother contacts us or until we find a way to contact him." Dad shook his head, "Taylor, if your mother's trunk is what I think it is, there might be-"

Dad was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Taylor, take your cousin and this... stuff," he gestured to the assorted boxes, "and get away from the front door."

I picked up the box of item's Mom had gotten me, and the giant box that it and Sicily had been packaged together in with... for some reason, while Sicily took the box that she'd been in. I gestured for her to follow and led her upstairs.

"You know," the angelic child said, "I would have expected a member of our family to live in a bigger house."

"Yeah, well, stuff happens." If she was used to living in a castle... I led her into my room and dropped the giant box by the door, and she gently set her box inside it.

"So, this is your bedroom?"

"Yeah." I opened the box of items to find a fancy ring, a belt, and a pendant shaped like a flexing arm. The belt looked like it could be slipped between the two around my belly without being out of place, and the ring didn't look half bad... There were no instructions for what these did, but since they were clearly accessories of some kind, and just put them on and immediately felt a change inside me. I felt so much stronger just by putting these on, and-

Dad called from downstairs, "Taylor!" He sounded urgent and I was immediately on high alert.

"Sicily," I said, "stay here. I'll be right back."

I cautiously proceeded back to the living room, to find Dad there with two men, one of whom had a gun on clear display at his hip.

"Akuma," the one who didn't have a gun, "Coil wishes to offer you a job."


	11. Chapter 11

**A Hell of a Time**

"Tell me about Coil."

The two men were armed and had gotten into my house. It was too risky to fight them, dad was right there and I had a little girl just upstairs. So, I had to get them talking.

"Coil is a man who wants what's best for this city," the man with the gun at his hip said. "And he needs the help of strong Parahumans if he's gonna do it."

"And why does he want me," I asked, trying to keep the man talking.

"You'll have to ask him yourself, young miss." Something about the man's inflection made my skin crawl.

"And how am I to do that?"

"We can take you to him, easily."

I placed my hand on my chin and made a show of thinking about it. "Alright, take me to him."

The man closest to Dad went to the door, opened it, and walked out. The man with the gun on his hip gestured for me to follow, but instead, I walked up and hugged Dad.

"The director's numbers are on my nightstand," I whispered in Dad's ear, before releasing him from the hug and heading outside.

There was an honest to god limo parked in front of the house. The man with the gun followed up behind me and walked me to the backseat of the limousine, and soon I was sitting between the two men while a third drove us off to, what I assumed, to be a super villain's lair. I couldn't see where we were going with the two grown men on either side of me, and no one was talking.

After at least an hour, during which I think we'd been driving in circles, the limo stopped. The man on my right, who'd had the gun at his hip, took out a strip of cloth.

"You aren't getting out without a blindfold," he said. I sighed, figuring that if we were here, it meant I was probably already surrounded, so I allowed the thug to blindfold me.

Another half hour of walking, during which I was quite literally pushed in the right direction. I figure that it wouldn't have taken so long if we hadn't had to stop so one of the assholes could pee. Anyway, a half hour after being blindfolded, the damn thing was taken off and I was in a room with dozen guys dressed like soldiers and equipped with some fancy looking guns-Their stat screens said "Mercenary" and gave levels from 1-5, and sitting in the middle of was a bone-thin man dressed in a skin tight black suit, with a white cobra pattern on his face. The Man's Stat Screen said "Coil Class: Mastermind. Titles: True Villain." Strangely, it didn't give his level, not even in question marks.

I asked him, "Coil, I presume?"

"You presume correct, Akuma," the presumed villain replied.

"So," I asked, "you're the guy who wants to fix the city. What do you need me for?"

"Isn't it obvious," the man asked smugly?

"No, it's not," I answered. "I'm just a Brute. I'm not even that strong for a Brute." Really, from what I understood parahumans with extra strength and toughness were a dime a dozen.

The man laughed. "Please, Ms. Hebert. We both know that you're nothing like other Parahumans." Oh god, was this another one who knew? Am I gonna wake up tomorrow and find out that I'm literally the only person in the world who didn't know about angels and demons? "You? You can do anything if you put your mind to it, a trait that your kind possesses" Well shit, he did know. "I dare say that with proper training, you could grow to easily dwarf the Triumvirate as a whole. With someone like you at my side..."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, "and why should I join you? I've got an offer from New Wave, I can easily go back to the Wards, and Hell, if I wanted to be a villain-" fat chance of that- "I've even gotten an offer from E88," technically true. "What's your offer?"

The man laughed, "straight to business I see. It's quite simple really: New Wave? The PRT and their pet Heroes? None of them have this city's best interests in mind."

I blinked. "Explain that to me."

"Do you honestly think that the city is declining because the people in charge are helpless to stop it? The protectorate could easily wipe out the Merchants, and with the PRT and Wards with them could cripple the Empire." the man stood up. "With New Wave's help, they could even take Lung if they all fought him at once. But no. They're too busy playing at being heroes to be real heroes."

"And someone like you could do better?"

"Truthfully? No, not without help," Coil said, "I've numerous capes and mercenaries in my employ, but I still need more."

"And how do I know you're telling the truth about what the Heroes could do? About what you're planning to do?" Seriously, this guy's plan to recruit me involved sending armed men to my house.

"You left PRT headquarters in quite a hurry this afternoon," he replied, "specifically after Shadow Stalker rejoined her fellow Wards while you were visiting." Did he have spies in the PRT building or something? "It didn't take much digging to find that you had a history with miss Hess. And they know too."

"What!?"

"Oh, the so called heroes know exactly what kind of person young Sophia is, Akuma." The man gave a mirthless chuckle, "she was given the choice of becoming a Ward or going to Prison after she crucified a man. If you were to tell the director exactly what Shadow Stalker did to you, she wouldn't be surprised and would do nothing to bring her to justice-They'd rather have her to play hero with than put her away for her crimes."

"Again, why should I believe you?" Gallant... Gallant seemed nice. If he'd known about... There's no way in hell that... If that's what a probationary Ward meant, then she'd have to have a case worker or something, right? A case worker would have reported on every time Sophia got sent to the office for fighting or picking on someone that wasn't me. She'd...

"It isn't even the first time they've done something like this," Coil continued, ignoring my question. "Have you ever heard of a man called Madcap?" Coil was pacing around me by now. "He was a villain that attacked Birdcage transports and freed the dangerous villains inside. By all means, when he was caught he should have been sent to the Cage himself."

"I take it he wasn't then?" It's bullshit. He's trying to feed me bullshit.

"You probably know him better as Assault." See, bullshit... But, if he was right about Sophia, then it was certainly... Plausible.

"You keep telling me these things, Coil," I said, "but you haven't given me any proof."

"I suppose I haven't," the man replied nonchalantly, "but it's not really the kind of thing I can prove. You'll just have to see for yourself." I was now pretty sure that he's lying through his teeth.

"Okay, you've given your reasons," I answered, trying to keep him talking, "but you haven't given me a reason why I should join you, only ones to keep me from joining the PRT."

"Perhaps a bit more incentive is required?" he was behind me now, with a hand on my exposed shoulder. My skin crawled at his touch. "I have businesses, legitimate and... otherwise. I have fingers in every industry and contacts at every level of this city's government. I understand that your father's been lobbying to get the ferry up and running again" Seriously, how does he know this shit about my family? "I can help with that. I know about your troubles at school, and I can easily get you a transfer to Arcadia." Well, that was tempting, but... "I can pay your say... two thousand a month, plus bonus for a job well done. I can move you and your father into a home away from the gangs..." he let go of me and walked around in front of me again. "I might even be able to give you friends."

I blinked. "What?"

"You're far from the only teenager I've sought out," he answered, "right now I have a young man doing what he has to do to save his little sister, a girl who ran away from a father who exploited her, a boy who never had a chance to be normal, and a girl branded a dangerous killer because of a freak accident. Lost and scared children, abandoned by their families and failed by the system until Uncle Coil took them in. Were you not failed by the system yourself, Miss? By the school that allowed you to be shoved into a biological hazard? By the PRT who allowed a budding psychopath to go free?" What he was saying made sense but... He offered me his hand. "Join me, Akuma. Join me and together we can clean up this city and make it great again-and make your life significantly more comfortable in the process."

I was tempted. I even reached out my hand, but then I remembered what I saw on his stat screen. This man was a true villain. He was evil. I retracted my hand.

"I'm afraid that I'll have to decline, Coil."

He chuckled again, "And I'm afraid that that isn't an option, Miss Hebert. You can either work for me and get every benefit I've offered... Or you can decline, and I have your father killed. And that little girl in your house, too."

How did he know about Sicily? No, not important right now. Now was the time to be mad. "And doesn't that make you just as bad as the PRT?"

The man shrugged, "I'm sure you've heard the phrase about making omelets. Now make the choice, money, or a dead family?"

I don't think I had much choice, but suddenly another mercenary rushed into the room. "Boss, the Protectorate are here!"

Coil's body language changed. He seemed frightened and confused now... And then he stumbled as if receiving a massive shock.

I jumped back and held up my clenched fists. "I choose option three: Fuck you Snake Face!"


	12. Chapter 12

**A Hell of a Time**

Snake Face was faster than I'd expected-no matter how many times I managed to take a swing at the bastard, he managed to dodge my fists. I had to stop because after half a minute I got shot by asshole number one-the guy who'd had the gun at his hip back at my house.

It didn't hurt as much as getting shot last night did, but... This was bad. I was outnumbered-Snake Face, two assholes, and thirteen armed mercenaries-and if these levels meant anything I was outclassed, too.

Just to be sure, I checked the assholes stat screens "Asshole: Class: Minion. Level: 1." Well, at least I could take them.

So I charged at the asshole who shot me and decked him. He flew against the wall, hit it, and collapsed... I really hope I didn't kill him there. I was distracted from my potential worry by the feeling of a sudden surge within me and the phrase "level up" playing through my head. Then I got shot again, this time by a mercenary with one of those fancy rifles. Turns out they shoot lasers, and lasers burn like all fuck.

I focused through the pain and went after asshole number 2. I picked the jackass up and tossed him at the merc who shot me. Asshole and merc fell to the floor, but I had to jump out of the way of like, six laser blasts before I could see if they got back up. I noticed Snake Face heading for the door, so I ran trying to intercept him. I got shot in the back by another laser blast and stumbled from the burning pain of it, but in my stumble, I managed to tackle the bastard and we both fell to the floor.

I might have super strength, but I was still a rail-thin teenage girl and Snake Face still a grown man, so he easily managed to push me off of him. I landed on my back, the cold hard ground irritating my fresh laser burn and causing me to wince in pain. Snake Face was at his feet by the time I could see clearly again and had a large pistol pointed right at my head.

"Now, Miss Hebert," the True Villain began, "you no longer get a real choice. You can either be my human shield against the Protectorate Forces, or you can die. You have five seconds to decide."

It was then that I noticed that he was standing right over me at a certain angle, and raised my boot right up into Snake Face's crotch.

The sound he made as he dropped his gun and fell to the ground, a certain high-pitched wheeze, would have been comical in any other situation, but I had to roll to avoid more laser-fire and so couldn't enjoy it.

I managed to roll onto my front and push myself up but took a laser blast to the face for my trouble. I picked up the fallen Villain and threw him at a hurt looking merc-looks like the one I threw asshole number 2 at got back up. Coil and merc fell to the floor, and I felt another surge and got another level up message flashing in my mind.

I found myself better able to focus through the burning pain of my laser wounds and charged right into a crowd of mercenaries. I took another laser blast, dead to the chest, but it didn't stop me from flooring one of the bastards with one punch. the cluster of armed soldiers began to scatter, but not before I could grab one, hoist him above my head, and chuck him at a couple of stray mercenaries lined up against the far wall, knocking one to the floor.

Snake Face was pushing himself back up yet again, but there were only nine of his mercenary soldiers still standing. The about four of them shot at me, but only one of them hit as I charged after their boss. As I lifted the bone-thin man above my head and tossed him at one of his mercenaries, the villain actually had the audacity to yell "stop doing this!" as he soared through the air and knocked down one of his own men. Now there's only eight, and with another surge, I leveled up.

"I'll stop chucking you when you stop getting back up," I paused to wheeze, "asshole."

"Not you," he groaned in response... I was the only one kicking his ass. Was the man losing it? I wasn't able to ponder more because a mercenary shot at me and I had to jump to the side.

One of two things had to happen in the next few minutes. Either I had to beat these bastards, or the Protectorate had to hurry up and find this room. Otherwise? These guys are running me ragged, and laser burns hurt.

Five of these fuckers were closing in on me, guns aimed straight at me and most likely sensing my growing exhaustion This didn't stop me from charging one of them and laying him out with a punch. Unfortunately, I got shot by the other four and fell to my knees, letting them surround me, and the remaining three men soon joined them.

Snake Face managed to push himself up again, and the seven men around me had their laser rifles aimed straight at me. Figuring that I was screwed anyway, I punched the mercenary right in front of me in the groin. I got shot by the other six guys but the asshole in front of me fell to the ground and was too busy crying to get back up. I felt the level up surge again, but it didn't exactly help me as the six assholes grabbed me and lifted me up.

"You're proving... Quite annoying... Akuma," Snake Face said between pained wheezes, and he began to shuffle towards the door. He kept stopping every few seconds and looking around... I think that the snake-faced bastard was legitimately insane.

I struggled against the mercenaries holding me even as they began to carry me to the door. God damn it, I had super strength... If I wasn't so fucking burned I... there was something in the back of my mind... Something that wasn't there before. I didn't know what it was, but I reached out for it. It had to be better than just struggling against these fuckers.

I suddenly felt a burning hot energy building in my heart and coursing through my veins, and could hear a deep buzz and a crackling sound. I felt as though I was one with the cosmos and, acting on instinct, I tore myself free of the mercenaries' grip and leaped high in the air. I twisted up and my feet nearly touched the vaulted ceiling, and I made note of the bright pinkish purple glow around my fist just before I started to fall. I punched the ground as I landed and the cosmic purple energy exploded out, sending the six mercenaries flying... and there's the other level up. I was starting to get the feeling that I wasn't supposed to fight these guys yet. Oh well.

With the mercenaries defeated in such a flashy manner, their boss turned back to me and then recoiled in horror.

"D-did you see that, Snake Face? I think," I said, pausing to catch my breath, "I think I'm going to call it my Cosmic Knuckle." I don't know why I said that the name just came to me.

The True Villain responded by falling to his knees of his own accord, just as the door to the room was forced open by a bearded man in blue powered armor.


	13. Chapter 13

**Meanwhile**

Chained to a wall, Mouse Protector could see the Nine dragging her arch-rival ravager into the warehouse. The whole time, Ravager was screaming, "we had a deal, we had a deal!" The hero had known that her nemesis had been foolish and evil, but to seriously consider contracting with the Slaughterhouse Nine? The most infamous band of murderous super villains in North America? The hero would have shaken her head had she not been utterly paralyzed by some drug the murderous child-tinker Bonesaw had crafted.

Ravager had been chained to the wall, and the Tinker in question stood in the middle of the room, looking at the bound heroine and villainess and bouncing in excitement like the young child she was. The rest of the Nine were assembled behind her, prepared to observe the mad surgeon create her latest masterpiece when a sudden outward explosion of malevolent energy erupted not far from where the insane child stood.

Mouse Protector had been blinded by the flash, but minutes later her sight returned to her and she saw multiple charred skeletons. A monstrous six legged one at the end where Crawler had been, and more humanoid ones, heavily modified, stood where the other members of the Nine had stood-the only exception a set of chard and blackened shell in the rough shape of Mannequin, and no sign at all of The Siberian. Whatever had caused the explosion had left a mark, as some sort of Warp in space itself floated where the explosion began.

Briefly, if only in her thoughts, the Hammy Hero broke character to wonder what the fuck just happened.

*Elsewhere in the Universe*

A man with strange wings and silvered hair stood, staring at a warp in space-time. He asked, "What the fuck just happened?"

Another man-a demon rather, tall and with long red hair, replied simply: "I have no idea."

The red haired demon began to walk away, only to be interrupted by the other man. "And where the Hell are you going?"

"Home," the demon replied. "I'm bored now."

The winged man stomped, "and who the Hell are you to get bored fighting the Ultra Invincible Gig!"

The red haired Demon turned to face the so proclaimed Gig and declared in response "The Most Badass Fricken Overlord Zetta reserves the right to get bored whenever he feels like it! We've been fighting for hours and I can't even remember why."

"Because you stole my hot pod you piece of shit," Gig replied before Charging the Overlord. The two major badasses of the universe continued to do battle for several more hours for that and other trivial reasons, before getting bored and going home.


	14. Chapter 14

**A Hell of a Time**

Apparently, there's some Tinker who specializes in mass producing high-quality salves and ointments. I learned this as I was sitting in a makeshift medical tent in Snake Face's parking garage, while a paramedic of some sort rubbed tinker-tech burn salve on my laser burns. Completely honest, the salve burns worse than the lasers.

I looked to elsewhere in the half-assed med bay/parking garage, and the mercenaries I'd beaten up being treated for broken bones and the like. I asked the paramedic, "you don't think I killed any of them, do you?"

"If any of them were dead," the paramedic began, "they wouldn't bother treating them. Just relax." That was less than comforting to hear.

I saw a couple of PRT agents frogmarching Snake Face in the direction of a PRT armored vehicle, probably to take him into custody or whatever. I noticed that he was holding an ice pack to his groin. Then I noticed Armsmaster, in his blue armor, heading towards me.

"Akuma," the blue-clad hero said to me on approach, "I've got some questions for you." The leader of the local Protectorate gave what seemed like a forced smile, "just to make sure we've got a few details straight."

And so Armsmaster asked me about what happened from my perspective, about the two assholes coming to my house and implicitly threatening me to come with them, about being driven around town and about the boss asshole's offer, and about how Snake Face threatened to have my Dad-I hadn't said anything about Sicily-killed if I didn't work for him, and about how I'd kicked Snakey's ass, and those of his thugs, when one of his Mercenaries ran in and said that the Protectorate was here.

"At that point, I figured the best thing to do would be to keep him busy, so he couldn't get away. I'd been getting some really Creep vibes," Armsmaster didn't look like he got what I meant, "from him. I didn't trust that he wouldn't have my Dad killed out of spite."

Other than Sicily, the only things I didn't mention were Snake Face's accusation, that Assault was a former villain that had broken people out of Birdcage transports, and his mentioning that the PRT knew about what Sophia had done to me. I... If that was true, the heroes would lie about it. If it wasn't it didn't matter, so I didn't ask.

When I was finished recounting what happened, Armsmaster gave another smile. "You've done quite well for yourself, Akuma. I'll be recommending that you be among those credited for Coil's capture."

...It was then that I realized that on my second day as a hero, I'd defeated a supervillain... And I'd just been congratulated for it by Armsmaster! Armsmaster had been one of my favorite heroes when I was as younger, I even used to have a pair of panties with his logo on them! I smiled as a sensation of giddiness overcame me, and stopped dead as I realized that Armsmaster and the paramedic were staring at me.

"Are you alright," the hero asked me?

"Yeah, it's just, the realization of what I just did hit me."

"You're proud of your first villain take down." It was a statement, not a question. "I remember my first capture." The hero smiled and crossed his arms, "you should eat a good meal or practice a hobby you enjoy soon. The first thing you do after your first time will be something you remember for the rest of your life."

That sounded oddly sexual. I don't think he meant it to sound like that, but...

A question suddenly came to mind, and, wanting to change the subject I blurted it out. "Can I have this place?"

I couldn't read Armsmaster from the bearded lower half face I could see, but after a moment he simply replied: "We'll see."

Around this time the paramedic started putting bandages over my many many laser burns. When he finished, I asked, "are we done?"

"There are some bruises I've noticed," the paramedic answered, "and I'm not sure there aren't burns under your clothes. I honestly think that you should go to the hospital for more thorough treatment."

I grimaced. "I, I'll be fine I think." I stood from where I was sitting and proceeded to walk around like I wasn't covered in painful laser burns and burn slave that stung like a bitch. "Besides, I've got school in the morning"

The medic wasn't convinced but the leader of the locale protectorate came to my rescue. "It's my understanding that Akuma is a Brute. If she says she's fine, she's probably fine."

The medic rolled his eyes and walked off, muttering something about "fucking capes," so I left the makeshift medical area... and then realized that I had no idea how to get home from here. I ended up looking around for a bit until I found myself by Armsmaster once again

Before I could say anything, he simply said: "you need a ride home." I nodded, unsure how to answer otherwise. He pointed over to the far end of Snake Face's parking garage, to his motorcycle. "Wait over there."

Again unsure how to answer, I simply walked over to the motorcycle and waited. Armsmaster's was a Tinker and his Bike was Tinker-Tech. It's almost as famous as the Halberd at his back... Completely honest, if I was standing this close to the bike as a normal civilian, I'd probably be nerding the hell out right now.

After what felt like about five minutes, Armsmaster came back up to me, did... something or other to his bike and a helmet popped out to the side, which he handed to me and... no way.

"I'm going to take you home," the blue-clad hero said, "that helmet might be a bit uncomfortable for you. It was made under the assumption that it'd be worn by someone with normal human ears, and for that, I apologize."

Oh my god. Oh, my god, this was happening. I was going to get to ride Armsmaster's Motorcycle and this is the best day ever! I put the helmet on and got on the back of the bike, my arms over armored Cape's shoulders at his insistence("I don't want people getting any ideas"), and with an engine roar that I felt vibrate in my soul, we went screaming off into the night.

 **A Hell of a Time**

Half an hour later, I was up in my room, finally changed out of my costume into some civilian clothes-well, my pajamas, while watching a stuffed penguin with peg legs put my laundry away for me. Sicily said that it was a prinny, some kind of servant demon, but then she went on about how cute they were and basically didn't explain anything else about them... Though Dad seemed to recognize them. Anyway, Sicily apparently had a contingent of them all to herself and had summoned them in an attempt to rescue me, but by the time she got them organized the PRT had called back to answer Dad and told them that the situation with Snake Face was under control, so Sicily set them out to do chores in thanks for Dad letting her stay here.

She and her prinnies had hidden in the basement when I go home. Armsmaster had spoken to Dad and me for a bit. He explained some things about the Unwritten Rules that capes followed and how Snake Face broke them by going after me when I was at home and by threatening Dad, so we shouldn't have to worry about stuff like that very much in the future. He'd also said something about spinning the incident and my involvement in Coil's take down to make sure, before asking me to reconsider joining the Wards. I told him I'd sleep on it.

Sicily came into my room, and the Prinny bowed and left with a "dood."

"Taylor," my young cousin said, "you're hurt." She gestured to my bandaged burns. "I can help with that if you'd like."

"How?"

The strange-eyed angel pulled out that book she'd had earlier, flipped open a few pages, and muttered something in a language I didn't catch, and suddenly I found myself blinded by a gentle white light. My vision cleared and I found that my burns and the pain they caused were gone.

"Sicily, what... magic." My mother was a demon and my second cousin is an angel. I really shouldn't be surprised that healing magic exists.

"Yep," the angel replied. "So... You're a superhero."

"Yeah." The incident with Coil had cemented it. Even if I was still unsure, I more or less had to be a hero now.

Sicily gave me a hopeful smile. "Can... I be your sidekick?"

I blinked... Eh, she's got magic and if she's anything like me she's probably tough. "Sure, why not."

My young cousin jumped three times "Yes! Yes! Flonne is going to be so jealous!"

Suddenly the phrase "Demon Angel Sicily has joined your Party." I blinked again and... fuck it, I'll figure it out in the morning.


	15. Chapter 15

**Interlude: What to do?**

Seraph Lamington, as the leader of the Angels and second most holy being in existance, surpassed only by God Himself as the stories go, was not supposed to feel anger or hatred or such negative emotions. It was all just stories, however. In truth the Seraph was no more than the Angelic equivalent of an Overlord, and no closer to God in their holiness than an Overlord was to the embodiment of all evil in their darkness. Still, Lamington made a habit of trying not to get angry. Trying not to hate. But, he was not infallible. He did get angry. There were things he hated, such as one specific part of his job.

Normally, when a human dies, their soul will pass on into Heaven or else come to Celestia or a Netherworld to become prinnies, or else apear before Lamington to be granted a chance to become an angel, or else was so wicked and unrepentant that it descends straight into Hell. Even when a soul persists as a ghost, the ghost will face one of these fates when it eventually moves on... Well, unless it finds it's way to a Netherworld and becomes a Demon.

Sometimes, however, there were... special cases, souls who couldn't quite pass on to any one particular afterlife. In these cases, the Seraph had to intervene and send the soul onward to a fate he decided with his own judgement. Dear Lord, why did it have to be so difficult to make such a choice? The previous Seraph's were on record as having taken mere moments to judge such souls, but Lamington took hours with each one.

And that brought him to the soul before him now. Dead just last night, this soul had kept him up through the night and well into the morning trying to figure out just what to do with it. The soul had committed atrocities, yes, and felt little remorse in life, and that would ... but the clarity of death had brought tears of guilt and remorse in waves, which never happened with souls who truly deserved Hell. Furthermore, looking over the Soul's past told him that her agency had been compromised from a very young age-just how responsible she was for her actions was debatable to the point of absurdity. Lamington felt that he himself could never, in as many centuries as he's lived, know for sure and felt that those who would absolve the soul outright or condemn her outright were equally insane. Truly, if it were just his own opinions that mattered he would send the soul off to join with her family, but he could not. It would be merciful, but it would not be just, and as the leader of the Angels he had to be both.

After a troubled night where he could not make a decision on such a difficult case, he broke down. He called for one of his most trusted and loyal, if eccentric, Archangels to contact one of her own subordinates, who was friends(or perhaps more,) with a certain vampire who was an expert in the nature of Prinnies and the cycle of reincarnation. If the Seraph himself couldn't come to a decision, then perhaps the opinion of an other expert would tip the scales.

The Vampire in question entered his sanctuary at this moment. "Welcome, Tyrant Valvatorez," said the Seraph.

"None of that," The so named Valvatorez replied, "I am but a humble Prinny Instructor."

"Ah, yes, "the Seraph replied, "and I do thank you for coming here on such short notice."

"I couldn't not come when I heard what was the matter," the Vampire gestured to the soul in the Seraph's chambers. "Is this the one?"

"It is. Her situation is-" The Seraph didn't get to finish, as the former Tyrant had moved, kneeling before the crying soul.

"Tell me, little girl," the Vampire said after a solid minute of looking the soul in the eyes, "do you like sardines?"

"I'm a good girl," the crying girl said, "and good girls eat whatever they're given."

Valvatorez "hmmed" to himself, before standing to face the Seraph once more. "I'll take her."

"You'll... take her?" The Seraph felt, for a moment, confused. It was not a familiar sensation, and he had to wonder if the purpose of his invitation had been lost in its delivery.

"The training my prinnies go through clarifies, without a shadow of a doubt, what kind of person they truly were in their previous life," the Vampire explained, "in order to best determine just what kind of work they should be doing to atone for their sins. Once this child is done with training, I'll bring her back here. Where she truly belongs should be clear by then."

"Ah," the Seraph replied, now with clear understanding. "An... unusual solution, but an acceptable one."

"Quite."

The Seraph and the Vampire discussed more, a few details, how exactly the young soul's progress would be verified, and then the Tyrant took Riley down to Hades.


	16. Chapter 16

**A Hell of a Time**

Apparently, being part of my Party meant that I could call upon Sicily in a fight even if she wasn't physically present with me... Though I'd need something called a dimensional gate before I could call on her from anywhere. Whatever, I'd figure it out later. Besides, she was like nine in angel years. Who the hell brings nine-year-old to a cape fight?

Anyway, that info dump had been the highlight of my morning. You see, when I got to school, everyone was staring at me. As it turns out, "spinning things" amounted to the PRT playing up my involvement in Coil's defeat to the media and adding a few implications that my abduction was part of the reason the PRT had come down so hard on Coil-"this is what happens to villains who attack young heroes in their homes." Or, in other words, I'd been all over the news this morning.

I found this out in Mr. Gladly's class. You see, today we were to begin a minor two-person research project, and, due to a combination of old habits dying hard and myself being quote "incredibly intimidating now" end quote, the only person willing to partner with me was Greg.

...Who would not shut the fucking Hell up about how awesome it was that I was a hero who'd taken out a full-fledged crime lord on my first full day. About halfway through the class, Greg had managed to be so loud and obnoxious that the whole freaking class, notably excluding Madison and the lackey she was partnered with, began discussing what had happened last night... and getting half the details wrong.

Ten minutes later, Mr. Gladly had given up on getting the class back on topic and had resorted to declaring it a group discussion. I don't know what happened after that because I spent the rest of class pounding my head on my desk.

That brings me to the current moment, I, standing in front of my locker with a splitting headache, hoping to God that that was the worst of it, and desperately wishing that I was home schooled.

"Sup hero." Oh God Damn it all straight to the bloodiest bowels Hell. I closed my locker and turned to see Sophia Hess, the Psycho Vigilante herself.

"What do you want, Sophia." Please be something short and stupid so I can just get this over with.

"I heard about what you were up to last night," the probationary Ward replied, "you did good, hero. Why don't you come hang out with us today?"

I blinked. "What?"

"You're cool now," she said in answer, "so hang out with us."

I took a deep breath, and then, ever so calmly I told her "no."

"Oh come on, why not?" ...Was she seriously that stupid?

"Because," I began ever so calmly, "your little prank" I tapped my locker, "put me in the hospital for a week. Or maybe it's because you did something that twisted my best friend into a psycho like you?"

Sophia blinked. "You need to get over that. You were weak before, now you're not. Come hang out with us."

"...What? Weak, strong... Make sense. Now."

Sophia responded by putting an arm around my shoulders. God damn it what was it with assholes touching me this week? "You see," she said, "there's two kinds of people in the world. There's the strong, like us...Then there's the weak like you used to be." The little bitch actually smiled at me. "Predators and prey. Survivors and victims. I didn't do shit to Emma, she just realized that you were weak and left you behind. Everything we did to you? It was because you were a victim. Now, you're a survivor. Come on, hang out with your fellow survivors. With someone as strong as you, we could rule this school."

My god. She... The stat screen was right, she is a psycho. I slipped out from under her arm, looked her in the eye, and said: "fuck off."

"What?"

"I said 'fuck off.' You? You're a lunatic, and I will not associate with you," I turned to leave. "You're dismissed."

I walked away, only to hear her shout behind me, "Guess I was wrong, you're still weak!" I turned back and noticed that the hallway was surprisingly empty except for the two of us.

"And what are you going to do about it, bitch!?" I shouted back at her, a toothy grin on my face. "Do you have any idea just how many bullets and laser blasts I shrugged off in the last two days? You can't hurt me, no matter how hard you hit me.." I laughed, "wanna shove me in another locker? I'm strong enough to break out, easy. Maybe I should thank you for what you did," I said in an arrogant tone of voice, "because of what you did, I was able to awaken a power that was just what I need to be done with your shit for good."

Sophia was glaring daggers at me, practically burning with rage, but just as she opened her mouth to say something, I cut her off. "Oh, and another thing-I've been keeping records of everything you, Emma, and bitch number three have been doing. Every bit of spilled juice, every punch, every nasty lie about me has been recorded in detail, down to the minute it happened. Every E-mail telling me to kill myself, or go into prostitution because it's the only way a "twig like me" will ever get laid? Saved, and recorded, and I've got backups." Well, I was going to make backups, so technically the truth. "Your boss may be a bit interested to know the kind of shit you and your friends get up to when you're off the clock, and she did give me her number..."

Her glare became, if possible, even more intense. "You wouldn't."

I glared right back. "Try me."

It became a staring contest in the middle of the still strangely empty hall, but after a minute Sophia faltered. "Well played, Hebert," she said simply, then turned and left. I smiled, having gotten my catharsis for the day, and went to my next class... I was late, but it was worth it.


	17. Chapter 17

**A Hell of a Time**

When I got home that afternoon, I was met with a hug from my long lost cousin.

"You're awfully clingy today, Sicily."

"I'm always clingy," the angel said in reply, "but big brother doesn't like to be hugged where people can see so I don't get to hug very often."

I chuckled "Not a lot of privacy at home?"

"Not really," my cousin replied, "there are servants coming in and out of every part of the castle-especially big brother's room since he never learned how to pick up after himself."

Okay, that was... "Well, I guess those are the drawbacks of growing up in a castle full of servants?"

"Yep!"

I walked, nonchalantly, into the kitchen, my baby cousin hanging off my back, where one of Sicily's prinnies offered me a cup of tea-earl gray, hot, no milk, no sugar-which I accepted.

"So Taylor," Sicily asked as she let go of me and I took a seat, "have any plans for superheroics today?"

I thought on it for a moment as I took a sip of tea. I didn't have anything planned, specifically, so far all of my heroism had been spur of the moment or forced on me, so... I'd probably have to get in the habit of patrolling or something. I did tell her she could be my sidekick, so I should probably let her do sidekick stuff... "Nothing specific planned, but maybe we could go on a patrol after dinner?"

Sicily jumped, "yay!" I smiled and finished my tea.

"So, turns out that people have been talking about me on the internet, and I want to see what they've been saying."

"Big brother does that a lot." Yeah, from what Sicily's told me Laharl was kind of full of himself.

I went up to my room, with Sicily following behind me, and sat at my computer to sign into PHO... That's weird, I had a Private Message. I'd literally just made this account this morning. I checked it out.

Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.

You are currently logged in, Akuma

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 **Topic: Reluctant Villains seeking hero to join.**

In: Boards ► Private Messages

Posted On Jan 25th 2011:

Hello, you don't know us, but we know of you... You kind of kicked our boss's Ass. We're not mad, he was a dick.

Our problem is that with him gone, we have no protection and we kind of need it. Bad

Now, none of us would have been villains if we had better options-I was literally forced to work for Snake-Face at gunpoint-So I guess what I'm asking is... Are you in the market for minions, Akuma-Sama?

I blinked. "Sicily," I asked of my baby cousin, "could you be a dear and hand me my mom's hellphone?"

The young angel did as I asked, handing me the phone, and I dialed a number I'd been given yesterday.

The phone rang five times before it was answered. "Hello," came Director Piggot's voice, "who is this?"

"It's Akuma," I answered, "um... something happened and I don't know who else to ask about this sort of thing."

"Oh for the love of..." I heard the sound of indistinct grumbling on the other end, "you haven't been kidnapped again, have you?"

I blinked. "No."

"Oh thank God." I was starting to regret immediately going to Piggot. "Okay, what happened?"

"I just received a private message on PHO from someone claiming to have worked, reluctantly, for Sna-Coil, and it basically says that they and their... I don't know, partners or teammates or whatever want to join me and be heroes." That sounded a lot less crazy in my head. "I'm just wondering, what's the etiquette for this?"

There was a long moment of silence where I couldn't here anything from the other end. After a solid minute I began to fear that the call had been dropped, but then the Director spoke up again. "That... would explain some of these E-Mails we've been getting. Why don't you let us get back to you on this, okay?"

"O-Okay." she hung up just like that. After looking at my Mom's phone I just shrugged and pulled up Google, to figure out what attaching "-sama" to the end of a name meant.


	18. Chapter 18

**A Hell of a Time**

"Thank you very much." I hung up mom's hellphone, having finished finally claiming her bank accounting and placing a few weapon orders. I mean, after the thing with Snake Face I figure that being armed would be a good idea. I was pretty sure that like, a good 20% of those "weapons" were jokes, but Sicily insisted that they were legitimate so whatever. I picked out a couple of mid tier ones that I thought I might be good with and ordered them.

Apparently, I was rich, or Mom was, or something like that. I'm not, I'm not 100% sure how exactly... Well, I guess we were royalty but... Holy shit I'm royalty. That was... Wow.

But... If Mom was so Rich, why did we live the way we did? I mean... Eh, it was something to talk to Dad about, later.

People had said some very nice things about Akuma on PHO... Other than Greg harassing me, that is. Took me 20 minutes to figure out it was him, but in hindsight it was obvious.

Sicily had wandered off at some point, so I went looking for her. She wasn't in the kitchen, my room, the living room, and the bathroom door was wide open. Out of options, I went back down to the basement and... what the fuck?

At some point, very fancy bed, a bookshelf, and a bunch of weird looking posters had been moved into the basement. Sicily was sitting on the bed, reading some kind of paperback book with what looked like a robot prinny on the cover. Her prinnies were running around, dusting and sweeping things.

I blinked. "Sicily," I asked, "where did all of this come from?"

My cousin very carefully closed her book and gently set it down. "Since I'm gonna be here for a while, I sent some prinnies back to the castle to get my bed and some of my things."

I blinked again. "And you didn't tell them to tell your brother that you're here why?"

"Because he was taking a nap when I left," replied my cousin as though it explained everything.

"Yeah, but... it's been at least a day," seriously, I was starting to worry, "shouldn't he have woken up by now?"

"Not really," she replied matter of factly, "he usually naps for a week or two at a time."

I blinked again. "What?"

"His average is about ten days," she added helpfully, "but Etna once told me that he once slept for two years straight."

"What?" Seriously, what? "Who does that?"

"Apparently, it runs in the family" came Dad's voice from the top of the stairs. I turned to look up at him as he descended, a smile on his face. "Do you remember when you were six, and your mother slept for a long time and I had her taken to the hospital?"

"Yeah..." I think I knew where this was going.

"And you remember that she was mad at me when she woke up and got home?" Dad chuckled in fond remembrance, "well now you know why." And that made so much sense now.

"So," I said to Dad, "Did you know she did this?" I gestured to Sicily's imported belongings.

"Yeah," Dad replied. "She asked and I said it was okay." Sicily nodded in time to this declaration.

"Okay... um, I have to ask," I took a breath, "is there any other weird stuff about my, er... our family that I should know about?"

"Attacks with "knuckle" in the name are apparently your family's signature," Dad answered. "Your mother explained it to me once, it's um... she's got no clue either."

"Are you sure," Sicily interrupted? "Because Flonne has one and she's not family." I made a mental note to ask Sicily about these people she kept mentioning, in case I ended up running into them.

*Meanwhile, in Celestia*

A certain archangel sneezed. Unfortunately, she was playing hide and seek _Ninja_ with some young angel children, and thus her sneeze gave away where she was hiding

*Meanwhile, back at the plot*

"So, Taylor," Dad asked me, "how was your day?"

"Eh," I shrugged, "on the one hand a bunch of people made a big deal about what happened yesterday." I held up my hands to demonstrate, "on the other, I for sure know I don't have to deal with any sh-stuff from bullies anymore, so I guess it breaks even." I don't know why Sicily grinned maliciously when I said that.

"Well, breaking even is better than nothing," Dad had been smiling a lot more in the last few days, and it was a trend that seemed fit to continue. I had to smile more myself at that. Ever since I'd learned of my heritage, things had been looking up... other than last night's hiccup.

"Oh," I said as an afterthought, "I got contacted by some villains who worked for Snake Face." I made to head back upstairs. "Apparently they want to work for me now."

The look on Dad's face was hard to read... like a mix of fear and pride, but that doesn't make much sense, so... "Taylor, that's the kind of thing you open with."

"Oh, ok, well-" I was cut off by Mom's hellphone ringing. Dad jumped, just a bit... The car crash Mom died in was caused by phone use, so cells were a problem for him, but... I checked the phone, and Director Piggot was calling me back.

I answered. "Hello?"

"Yes, Akuma," came the director's voice. "We've managed to establish contact with... the villains who contacted you. Assuming that they're genuine in their desires to reform, that they're willing to cooperate," she paused for a moment before continuing, "and that some of this information they're giving us is accurate, we'd like you to participate in a meeting with them this weekend."

"Okay," I said, "and where is this meeting to be held?"

"Normally, it would be held at PRT headquarters," the director answered, "but apparently one of them has trust issues, so instead we'll be holding the meeting at Coil's fortress-it should be cleared out competly by then."

"Okay then," I got the strangest feeling that this wouldn't normally go this smoothly.

"And, depending on how things go, we might be granting your request to claim Coil's fortress." I had to blink. I honestly hadn't expected that the PRT to take something I said in the spur of the moment while exhausted seriously, much less to actually...

"Okay..." I looked to Sicily and... "Um, before we finish, I have a question... I recentlymet some family from my mother's side I wasn't aware of, and I've got a little cousin who also has powers." I took a moment to inhale, "I might have gotten talked into letting her be myy sidekick. Can I bring her, or..."

"What are her powers?" Asked the director.

"Healing and minions," I replied.

"I need more detail that that."

"Um... She healed my laser burns completely last night, and she has..." I looked to the prinnies trying to guess the best way to describe them, "animate stuffed penguins."

"They have machetes and explode when you throw them," Sicily interjected helpfully.

"They um, have machetes and can explode. They're also good at housework."

"Umm," the director was silent for a while, "how old is she?"

"About Nine."

"Hmm, I'll get back to you on that," the director said, "Good day, Akuma."

"Goodbye director." She hung up first, and I turned to Dad. "Well, looks like this is happening." There was that look again.


	19. Chapter 19

**A Hell of a Time**

So, it turns out that I wasn't paying much attention when Armsmaster took me home, being too giddy at the thought of actually riding his motorcycle, so I had no clue where Snake Face's fortress actually was. So, after an uneventful rest of the week, Dad, Sicily, and I packed into the car and Dad drove us to the PRT headquarters. Once there, the PRT would do a quick power evaluation for Sicily, to see if it would be safe for her if the meeting went pair shaped. Dad was less than happy that he wouldn't be allowed into the meeting, but the PRT had a policy against putting civilians in the line of duty. Sicily, she was just so excited to see a car.

"You've never seen one of these before," I asked her as we drove along.

"Nope." She shook her head. "We don't really have things like cars in Celestia or the Netherworld, and this is my first time in a human world." That made sense, I mean, I wouldn't want to send a little girl off to another world, but...

She interrupted my train of thought by continuing. "Well, I could have gone to Veldime once, but I was sick and big brother gets really weird whenever somebody gets sick." She shrugged, "I asked but he doesn't like to talk about it." There was a story there, I'm sure of it. "Anyway, according to Hanako Veldime doesn't have cars so it's a moot point." I still haven't asked her about these people.

"So, you've lived in the Netherworld and Celestia?" I guess it made sense if she was half and half but-once more my thoughts were derailed, this time by the Dad suddenly stopping the car, a loud squealing skid, and a louder thump.

"Girls," Dad said in a voice far too calm, "I don't want to alarm you, but we just hit a jaywalker." Dad immediately shifted the car into reverse and started backing up a bit too quickly.

"Dad," I said, concerned over his intent to hit and run, "Why are you backing up?"

"Because," a blast of fire hit just in front of the car, "The jaywalker was Lung."


	20. Chapter 20

**A Hell of a Time**

"Hello," I said into Mom's hellphone as Dad sped away from the flaming rage dragon, "this is Akuma. I'm supposed to be coming in for a um, meeting" I said to the PRT secretary on the other end, "but we've hit a-" the sound of a blast of fire hitting pavement cut me off-"complication."

"What's going on out there?" asked the secretary in a voice too calm.

"We hit Lung with our car," I answered calmly, "and he's pissed."

"You would not believe how often that happens," the secretary said in a bored monotone. "What is your location."

I looked out the window. "I don't know um... just look for the fucking fire!" I yelled, finally losing my patience with the whole charade, then I hung up.

Sicily had unbuckled her seat belt and was staring out the back window at the super villain chasing us. "I think we can take him."

"Sicily," said to the angel without looking, "we are not fighting Lung."

"Why not?" she asked in reply, "he's a supervillain and you're a superhero, so..."

"Because," I answered, "he's the strongest parahuman in the city." She din't respond. "There are rumors that he's single handed faught off an Endbringer-"

"What's an Endbringer?" Oh, that's right, Sicily wasn't from Earth Bet.

I took a deep breath as yet another blast of fire barely grazed the car. "The Endbringers are giant, invincible monsters that show up to wreck cities every few months. Normally it takes dozens if not hundreds of heroes and villains from all over the world to drive them off, and we don't always win." I pointed out the back window without looking, "and according to rumors, he fought one off by himself."

I was not expecting her to be in awe of that statement, but that was her tone when she said "he fought a Kaiju by himself?" Her awe turned to confusion, "but he's only level fifty."

"Sicily, I'm level six!" I said that a bit more loudly than I meant to, "and I don't even know your level. We're not fighting Lung."

"But Taylor," my young cousin whined, "you're supposed to be a hero, aren't you?" Sicily's expression changed to one of determination. "A real hero never backs down, no matter the challenge!" Her expression changed again, "also, it is our fault that he's mad, so if we don't stop him we're responsible for anyone he hurts."

Well, wasn't that a one-two gut punch. Challenging my resolve then trying to guilt me into... fuck.

"Dad," I said as I unbuckled my seat belt. "I'm going to jump out of the car." Thankfully, I was already in costume complete with battle items. "once I'm clear, floor it."

"Taylor, I don't think" the concern was clear in his voice, but I didn't hear the rest of his sentence as I threw my door open and jumped out, rolling as I hit the ground and somehow managing to roll in just such a way that I could quickly and easily stand to my feet in a cool pose. If anyone asks, I did it on purpose.

Dad, bless him, floored just as I'd asked... and then I saw that Sicily had also jumped out of the car. Damn it, I didn't want her involved in this. Eh,it's too late now. She pulled her spell book out from wherever it is she keeps it, and I remember that the weapons I'd ordered had not, in fact, come in yet, so I was still fighting bare handed... well, I was gonna get hurt anyway.

Lung paused in his assault to take us in, and my god he was huge. He was a giant of a man, covered in thick metal scales with long, sharp talons and his body was wreathed in flame. He looked for all the world like it was he, and not I, who had the blood of a mighty lineage of demons flowing in his veins.

"Akuma," he said, his transformation not yet far enough to rob him of speech, "the little white girl who convinced one of my follows that you were a devil, then took the name as a trophy." He laughed, and it rumbled like thunder in the streets, "I can't blame you for wanting to take part of our cultures for your own, and I'd have let it slide under... normal circumstances..." He sounded surprisingly calm "but then you had to go and hit me with your fucking car!" There's the rage. Lung punctuated that sentence with an inhuman roar of fury but was cut off from acting further by Sicily.

"Is it true you fought off a Kaiju by yourself?" she asked the murderous rage dragon who was planning to kill us.

Lung didn't seem to know how to respond to that. "Well," he said after an awkward moment where I considered grabbing Sicily and running, "I suppose technically but-"

"Cool!," she said in reply.

"Look, do you understand what's about to happen?" Lung seemed genuinely confused by Sicily's lack of fear. I just thought that either she was crazy... or that this wasn't the most dangerous situation she's ever been in.

"Yeah, my cousin and I are gonna beat you up." God damn it. "Because that's what heroes do to villains. I just wanted to know if it was true that you fought a Kaiju."

"They... the official term is..." I could have sworn that he mumbled "fucking otaku" under his breath. "Who are you?" he finally asked my cousin.

"I'm Sicily, the demon angel and one and only sister of Overlord Laharl!" Sicily sounded so proud to be Laharl's sister. It was touching o know what someone could love their older brother that much.

Lung, of course, had no idea how to respond and... holy shit, was he shrinking? "Look, I don't know what that means... if it weren't for your obvious mutations, I'd just... you need to work on your theme... and" He turned to me as he near completely regressed to human form. "Look, the mood's gone, can we finish this later?"

"...I guess?" Please God let him forget.

Lung responded to my halfhearted answer by turning around and walking away. Just... No words, he just turned around and walked away. Dad managed topull back around, just as I heard the telltale rumble and roar of a very familiar motorcycle responding to my early call for help.

"What just happened?" both Armsmaster and my Dad asked in unison, one as he pulled up and the other as she steped out of the car.

I just looked at my cousin. "I don't even know."


	21. Chapter 21

**A Hell of a Time**

Shadow Stalker was gonna need to see Panacea after this. After Lung wondered Off, Armsmaster had escorted us to the PRT building... presumably to make sure we didn't run over any other supervillains. And once there, came Sicily's power testing.

Apparently, Sophia had somehow found out that it was my cousin who was being tested and had volunteered, either to humiliate or hurt her to get at me from what I could tell... and bit off way, way, way more than she could chew.

"Does anyone have any popcorn?" I asked from the observation deck as a mass of smoke and shadow danced around the seemingly never ending barrage of prinny-thrown machetes. Sicily was kind of just standing there staring at them.

"Enjoying yourself, Akuma?" Asked the Agent observing the testing with me-Agent Smith from the other day, If I remembered correctly. He and some clerk were observing the fight and writing some things down.

"Very much so," I answered just as one of the prinnies handed Shadow Stalker a cartoonish bomb. It exploded and sent her flying towards Sicily just as she realized what it was. I'd gotten my catharsis the other day, but dear God this was... Dear God... Should I really be using Dear God so much? I mean, I'm a demon, bah, a question for another time.

"So um..." Said Agent Smith as Sicily jumped high in the air, "I'm noticing that... her theme is all over the place-" the Agent was cut off By Sicily suddenly glowing bright white, then falling to the ground, slamming her fist into the ground, and exploding in white light and angelic feathers. Shadow Stalker went flying, hit a wall, and fell to the floor. "I think," the agent continued, "that power testing is done now."

"Probably a smart move." Down below Sicily walked over to Shadow Stalker, pulled out her spell book, cast her healing spell, she then hugged the little psychopath. Sicily didn't know her like I knew her, didn't know better, but it still made me more uncomfortable than I care to admit seeing it happening. My cousin whispered something to the vigilante and then left the testing room with her prinnies.


	22. Chapter 22

**A Hell of a Time**

"You're not actually a parahuman, at least in the biological sense." Said the blonde girl, Tattletale. "And neither is your... second cousin."

After Sicily's power testing, The Director, Miss Militia, three PRT Agents including Smith, Sicily, and I were loaded up into a PRT transport and driven to Snake-Face's lair with Armsmaster following on his motor cycle. We arrived to find a table in Coil's parking garage, with enough chairs for everyone, and three teenagers sitting at it-a long haired blonde with a domino mask and a purple and grey outfit, a muscular looking young man in biker leathers and a skull faced helmet, and a foppish looking boy wearing a renascence style outfit and a Venetian mask with silver cornet. Off in the far corner of the garage was what I think was a girl wearing a plastic dog-mask, playing with a trio of dogs and in general ignoring everything going on around her. As soon as we talked in, the blonde stood up, introduced herself as Tattletale, and then took a good look at me a Sicily and started up her best Sherlock Holmes impression.

"You're... A demon," the Blonde continued, "you don't look like a demon, you are a demon. Or half demon, on your... mother's side, to be more accurate. Your cousin is some kind of half-demon half-angel, I'm not sure how that happens but I'm sure it's a long and sad story, possibly involving reincarnation." The blonde walked around us in a circle. "Despite looking to be no more than nine, you," Tattletale pointed to Sicily, "are the oldest person in the city by a number of centuries. You're an orphan, having never known either your mother-who I'm guessing died in childbirth or otherwise around the time you were born-or your father, who is her," she pointed to me, "mother's first cousin. You spent most of your life being raised by a non-relative, but are now living with your... brother, who you'd previously been estranged from." The girl began rubbing her temples like a TV psychic. "You're from money... No, you'e Royalty. A Princess even, meaning that your brother is... Wow, a King." Tattletale began stroking her chin. "You've got magic spells you can cast, and servants you can summon almost literally from thin air... You're obviously not from Earth Bet, you live in the... demon world. How'd I do."

I stared at the blonde, slack-jawed, and turned to Sicily who looked surprised by the information that the purple clad girl knew. So I turned back to Tattletale and asked, "How did you know all of that?"

Tattletale gave a wide, toothy, smart-assed smile. "I'm psychic."

"That's a lie," Armsmaster interrupted.

Tattletale turned to the blue armored hero. "For all intents and purposed," she said slowly, "I'm psychic."

"Also a lie."

"...You resent and envy people with powers that make them stronger with little to no effort on their part, because they can easily preform great deeds and earn acclaim while you have to train hard to stay in top shape and spend late nights Tinkering to stay on top of your game." Armsmaster didn't respond to Tattletale's accusation.

"While that was very interesting and... enlightening," Director Piggot began in a tone that made it clear that she didn't think it was either, "but this is not why we're here, so if we could get down to business?" She took her seat at the table.

Every one soon joined her, other than the girl with the dogs who stayed in her corner and, on a whim I pulled up the stat screen to get a look at my potential future minions-teammates. "Tattletale. Class: Phony Psychic. Titles: Reluctant Criminal, Charitable Heart, Former Hobo." Read the blonde, "Grue: Class: Tenebremancer. Titles: Gang Leader, Reluctant Criminal, All is for my sister," read biker, and "Regent. Class: Body Snatcher. Titles: Spoilers*shoosh*" was pretty boy's information... Spoilers was probably something important that I should look up later. I looked into the corner, to the dog girl, and got "Bitch. Class: Canine Commander, Titles: All I care about are the dogs. Former Hobo. Fuck you." I blinked. That, that was... Okay then.

Sicily was offering some cookies she made to everyone, but only Regent took one. The boy turned around, shifted his mask around, and ate it. "Guys," I heard him say, "these are the best fucking cookies."

Regent turned around, mask back in place, to find me glaring at him. "Language," I said gesturing to Sicily.

"I've heard worse," my cousin said when she realized I was referring to her. Seeing that no one else was going to take one of her cookies, she got up from the table and went to the corner where Bitch was.

"Umm," I began, "is she-"

"Bitch isn't good with people," the phony psychic interrupted. "She's also not exactly happy about this... thing we're doing here, for understandable reasons."

"And she's one of the last few important details we need to iron out," Director Piggot interrupted, bringing us back on topic. "Now your... Request was most unusual." Director Piggot made meaningful glances to Regent, and the to corner where Bitch was sitting-now with her mask off, revealing a somewhat brutish redhead who was, apparently, eating one of Sicily's cookies. "However, with the information that you've so generously provided, and because of several other factors, we're willing to grant your request... assuming that you abide by the agreement and deal with a few lingering concerns."

"Um," I said while raising a hand, "What exactly is this agreement?"

The director turned to me and looked at me with a blank stare. "You... Were never informed? Never received an e-mail?" I shook my head in response, prompting the director to face palm and mumble something about "Wallace" being fired.

"Alright," the Director began, "for the sake of everyone being on the same page, I'll attempt a brief recap." The director cleared her throat, "The Undersiders contacted both the PRT and Akuma with an unusual request. Having previously worked for Coil under... less than ideal circumstances in some cases, find themselves without protection after angering Empire Eighty-Eight." Tattletale turned and looked meaningfully at bitch. She seemed confused for a minute at the sight the redhead chatting amicably with my cousin, who was now petting one of Bitch's dogs.

"Akuma," the blonde asked while still staring. "Does your cousin have super human charisma?"

"I honestly don't know."

"They want to join you," the Director interrupted with no small hint of annoyance. "Normally we'd have just told them to surrender and try to make a plea deal for Probationary Wardship but-"

"But, we have a history with Shadow Stalker that makes such a thing incredibly awkward," Tattletale interrupted in turn.

"Yes," the director said. "There's a lot of that going around these days." One of the Agents who's escorted us looked at me.

"Now since we're on the topic," Regent chose to interject, "who do we send an invoice to for ruined property? Shadow Stalker stuck Grue like a pig a while back and he bled all over my favorite couch."

"Regent," Grue said in a voice full of authority, "Not the time."

"Bullshit," Regent replied, "we're talking to her boss right now. Besides, I loved that couch more than I loved my entire family. That couch was more a dad to me that my father ever was," the Body Jacker said with exaggerated drama and seriousness, "I was born on that couch, I was raised on that couch, and I wanted to die on that couch. Our new couch is shit!"

"Well check in on these allegations and get back to you," The director cut in, her voice dripping with annoyance and regret. "To make a long story short, after reviewing some information that Tattletale provided us with and consulting the Chief-Director, and assuming that you, Akuma, are willing to take them, we're willing to grant the request on the condition that they prove a few things. Armsmaster?"

"My Helmet is equipped with a lie detector," the blue-clad hero explained, "while it is not admissible in court and is still early in development, the Director and I agree that it is more than sufficient for our purposes today. The Undersiders have previously agreed to answer questions with my lie detector active, and if it's all right I'd like to begin."

The three Undersiders at the table nodded. In the background, I could see a flash of bright light flash into existence and then fade around one of Bitch's dogs. I guess one was hurt or something, and Sicily was healing it.

Ignoring the flash of light, Armsmaster turned to face Tattletale. "Tattletale, do you swear that all of the information that you have provided the PRT with is accurate and truthful to the best of your knowledge?"

The blonde nodded, "I swear."

"And do you swear that the information you've provided about your own trigger event, information that contradicts our previous model on these events, is true and that our previous information was false?"

Tattletale was somewhat stilted in her answer. "I swear."

"And you are not using any tricks of semantics to spoof my lie detector?"

"No."

"She's telling the truth, Director."

"Very good," the woman replied, "now the question of whether Hellhound-"

"She prefers Bitch," all three of the Undersiders at the table said in unison.

"The question of whether Hellhound," the Director continued with particular emphasis on Bitch's canine name, "can be trusted to reign in her violent tendencies, and of whether or not we should be giving this chance to a serial killer."

I blinked. "Serial killer?"

"The PRT thinks that Bitch, or Rachel since she doesn't really have a secret identity," Tattletale began, "is a serial killer because they've got some details wrong." The blonde cleared her throat. "For one, they think that she controls her dogs directly. She doesn't, they're trained. So, when she first triggered and instictivly used her powers, and the dog she used them on attacked her asshole foster mother, they thought she did it on purpose." Tattletale smiled at me. "Honestly, if Rachel got a good lawyer and a fair trial, she'd get found guilty of manslaughter at the absolute worst. It's more likely, taking her mental state and upbringing into account, that she'd walk on every charge. Self defense and all that."

I blinked and called out. "Hey, Sicily!?"

"What?"

"What's she like!?" I shouted back to her, gesturing to Rachel.

"She's nice!" Sicily answered.

"Well," I said to the people gathered at the table, "that's good enough for me."

"Fair enough," the director answered to both myself and Tattletale, "and that just leaves Regent as the last loose thread."

"I'm gonna cut you off there, Ms. Director," began the masked boy. "If you had any conclusive evidence that I was who you think I am, you'd have had me arrested as soon as you walked in."

I was probably going to regret asking, but I had to. "Who do they think you are?"

"Have you ever heard of Heartbreaker?" I nodded. "Nasty piece of work. Man messes with people's uses it to make women his loyal sex slaves. He had kids, and the PRT thinks I'm one of them-ever heard of Hijack?" I shook my head and Regent stood up from the table and started walking around. "I did my homework. I have body control powers, Hijack has body control powers, and apparently similar powers is enough to say that two guts are the same person." He laughed. "If that's the case, then Alexandria must buy cloning vats in bulk. Anyway, from what I've put together Hijack kid a guy, used his powers to rape a bunch of people, then ran away from his dad and disappeared around the time he turned twelve." A kid younger than twelve raped a bunch of people? I mean, I guess if Bonesaw can be a serial killer at such a young age a young serial rapist isn't that out of the question but still. "Hijack hasn't been seen or heard from sense, as far as I can tell. You wanna know what I think happened?" Regent asked, coming back around the table and looking me right in the eyes. I nodded. "I think he realized that what he did, that what his father was doing, that it was all wrong. I think he regrets it. I think he thinks that it was wasteful, to do that to those people for something as petty as his own pleasure. I think that he's screwed up in the head, that he knows he's screwed up, and that he wishes he was capable of feeling bad about what he did." Regent sounded deathly serious, as if he was talking about things he knew for sure and... Oh shit. His title on the stat screen changed from "Spoilers" to "Repentant Sociopath," "Former Hobo," and "I Am not my Father." I then realized that he'd never actually said that he wasn't Hijack. "I think he ran away from home because he didn't want to be like Heartbreaker, wanted to get out from under Heartbreaker's thumb, to rise above him. That's what I think."

The Director and Armsmaster looked to each other and then excused themselves from the table, one of the Agents helping the director up. The Agent and his companions stood up, to stretch their legs, and Regent went off to the corner with Bitch and Sicily. I saw him bend down and address Sicily, who gave him another cookie. This left me sitting alone with Grue, Tattletale, and Miss Militia.

I turned and addressed the patriotic heroine. "So, what do you think of all of this?"

"I have my reservations about this entire situation," the fatigued and star-spangled hero answered. "I have a perfect memory of every time a situation like this has gone wrong. However, as my superiors are willing to accept the extended olive branch, I'll withhold my criticisms." Miss Militia did something or other with her eyes that gave me the impression that she was smiling. "I hope that, should you accept this situation, that you prove to be a good influence on the Undersides and that the four of them prove my criticisms wrong."

"Apologize for shooting me in the tit last month and you have a deal," Tattletale said with a sarcastic grin. "Seriously, that hurt like hell."

"I refuse to apologize for shooting a bean bag at a super villain robbing a jewelry store," Miss Militia replied. "Prove me wrong, and we'll talk."

"We're not bad people," the blonde said.

"I'm sure you're not," Miss Militia said in response. "I'm sure you all have justifying circumstances and tragic backstories for why you chose to become criminals, but that doesn't change the fact that you became criminals. After all,"Miss Militia began in a matter of fact tone, "as a child I was used as a living mine detector. Yet I never became a criminal."

Tattletale blinked behind her mask. "You don't play fair."

"Playing fair in this line of work ends with innocent people dead," the heroine answered. "Had this never happened, and you remained a villain, and it came down to a choice between splattering your brains on the wall and an innocent's life, I'd have killed you in a heartbeat." Ouch, harsh.

Tattletale's grin was a bit more forced than it had been before. "Well, good thing that's never going to happen then, isn't it?" She laughed a bit nervously. Around that time, everyone-Bitch and Sicily included, returned to the table. Bitch had apparently never replaced her mask after eating the cookie.

"After discussing it," the Director began, "Armsmaster and I have decided that we will allow this... most unusual situation to come to pass as a highly experimental exercise in villain rehabilitation if Akuma is willing to take you all."

I shrugged. "What's the worst that can happen."

"In that case, we will also be granting Akuma's prior request to claim ownership of Coil's base of operations... though there is still an investigation going on, so it will take time before that's official."

Words flashed into my vision. "The Undersiders became your vassals minions teammates and joined your party."

At that moment the director's phone began to ring. She answered but did not speak. After a few moments, she put her phone down. "I feel the need to inform you all that Coil has, somehow, escaped PRT custody."

Grue, Tattletale, and Regent all threw their arms up. "I swear," Tattletale began, "that we had nothing to do with that."


	23. Chapter 23

Scene: A curtain pulls apart, revealing a theater screen. Off to the side is a rather inappropriately dressed teenaged demon with spiky red pigtails, a microphone in hand.

Taylor: Sicily, who is that?

Sicily: That's Etna.

Taylor: What's she doing?

Sicily: The Preview for the next episode.

Taylor: What!?

An image appears on the screen, showing Akuma riding a motorized bar stool being pursued by Lung in a motorized Lay-Z-Boy, Kaiser in an exact Replica of Hitler's car, Coil on a Motor Cycle, and Skidmark on Mush.

Etna: Tragedy fell as the famed racer Akuma perished in a freak accident on the track.

The image on the screen changes to a fiery wreck, Akuma's limp leg indicating that she lies dead just off screen.

Taylor: I'm not a racer, and I'm standing right here.

The screen changes again, showing Etna in a blue T-shirt driving what is totally not the Mach 5 with Etna's face decals slapped on the hood and doors.

Etna: Her dear friend Speed Etna, racer for justice, has taken up the race in Akuma's honor.

Taylor: This is literally the first time we've met.

Sicily: I don't even think this counts since it's not canon.

Taylor: Seriously, what the hell are you talking about?

The screen changes to every villain in Brockton Bay on various vehicles pursuing "Speed Etna" around a race track.

Etna: Danger lurks around every twist and turn on the track, but suddenly a new ally emerges.

A blue figure, no older than 13, wearing feminine, Prinny-themed armor, not unlike that of a Kamen Rider and riding a blue bicycle is shown jumping from a hill on the screen.

Etna: Who is the mysterious Prinnirider!

Taylor: Seriously, what the Hell is going on.

The screen changes to an image of Etna in a winner's circle.

Etna: Find out next time on Rider of Justice Speed Etna! Go Speed Etna, Go!

Taylor: Fuck it, I'm going to go find out where my Dad hides his scotch.


	24. Chapter 24

The Overlord and The Hero stared each other down. The Demon had appeared on the Earth suddenly and without warning and had immediately been engaged by the Earth's heroes. Etranger, the reformed Darkdeth, the surprisingly-now-competent Prism Rangers, The Genric Defenders of Earth. All had engaged The Overlord and all had been defeated. Only one of the first responders remained, the silent champion: Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger!

...Who would just not stay down. They'd been fighting for hours and honestly, Overlord Laharl was starting to get pissed off. One Overlord's Wrath and the other hero fell once more, and silently the Hero pushed himself back up. It would be commendable if it wasn't so irritating.

And there come the sound of helicopter blades and the engines of military vehicles. The Overlord would utter a foul swear if such actions were not beneath him. Instead, he settled for a comparatively mild "damn it!" Wait for a second-he recognized the soldiers flooding out. That was the Earth Defense Force. If they were here, then that meant.

Jumping down from a Helicopter came four figures. A man in a futuristic space suit, a voluptuous blonde in an outfit far too revealing, a vaguely egg-shaped robot, and a green prinny. They all landed in dramatic poses and began reciting a speech

"Demon! You'll progress no further," the man said. "You face not one hero but the best of the best of the best the Earth has to offer." Unlosing Ranger had finished returning to his feet and joined formation with the four newcomers. "How can you possibly stand up to the combined might of Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger and CAPTAIN GORDON, DEFENDER OF-" It was then that the Defender of Earth actually noticed who the demon was. "Wait a minute..."

"Harley," the blonde asked, "why are you invading the Earth?"

"Beeb boop beep," began the robot, "he's obviously gone mad with power. Begining aura analysis, analysis complete: Levels of Anger, Frustration, and Determination are off the charts. Malice is at 100% saturation. Power Level is Over Nine-Error, Error. Rebooting. Reboot complete. Analysis complete: He's pissed off!"

"It's not an Invasion!" the Overlord shouted. Before he could explain his presence to Captain Gordon and his team, he was interrupted by a new arrival.

"Laharl!" came a voice from the aether. A pillar of light descended from the heavens and within it materialized what would have been a beautiful angel if she was physically a few years older. As it is, the figure with her big poofy wings, long poofy white dress, long blonde hair, blue eyes and her matching ribbon was more cute than beautiful... Not that The Overlord Laharl would ever admit it, you idiot. "Why are you fighting the Prism Rangers and Absolute Victory Unlosing Ranger!?" She blinked. "And I guess Gordon and Jennifer and Kurtis and Thursday." The angel waved to the human heroes... Then saw Unlosing Ranger with them and stomped. "Oh darn it! I just had to go and interrupt the greatest superhero team up in ages. Oh well."

It was due solely to the years-long totally-just-friendship-if-even-that between the Overlord and the Angel that Overlord Laharl didn't comment on her odd behavior. Instead, he simply asked, "How?"

The angel understood immediately and pointed high in the air and off in the distance. Turning to the object of her focus, Laharl saw a high-quality drone. "It's been streaming live to Nether-And-Celestial pay per view Channel Six hundred sixty-six for hours. I've already pre-ordered the DVD and Blueray combo set."

"Okay well-"

"Flonne?" Jennifer, side kick to Gordon, asked. "You're an angel again?"

"Archangel," the apparently younger blonde said with a smile. "But this was... Oh, wow, we've been out of touch for a while."

"Can we get back to the task at hand?" asked the Overlord. Seeing that no one was going to interrupt him again, he continued. "As I was saying, this isn't an invasion. I came to Earth and was immediately attacked by those spray-painted Bio-Suits." The overlord pointed to the generic Defenders of Earth laying in the corner of the battlefield. Most of them were still unconscious but two were playing poker with Prism Aqua, who'd also regained consciousness. "I tried to explain that it wasn't an invasion, but no one would listen!."

"Ohh," said just about everyone, save for the Unlosing Ranger who simply placed his hand behind his head in such a way as to imply that he was grinning sheepishly. The Silent Hero then went to help his fallen allies evacuate the battlefield. Soon only the four Defenders of Earth who have actual names, the Overlord, and the Archangel.

"So, Harley," began Jennifer as she walked to the Overlord's side-the demon subtly flinching, "why did you come to Earth?"

The Overlord didn't answer. He simply looked to the ground. The Archangel approached him. "Laharl?"

"Sicily has gone missing," The Overlord finally answered, to be met by the angel's gasp.

"I'm sorry," Captain Gordon interrupted, "but who is this Sicily?"

"My sister," the Overlord answered.

Three of the four Defenders jumped back, aghast. Kurtis the Prinny simply stood stoically. "You have a sister!?" Gordon, Jennifer, and Thursday asked simultaneously.

Overlord Laharl blinked. "Yeah, she... Oh wow, it has been a long time."

"Laharl," asked Archangel Flonne, "when did she go missing?"

The Overlord pulled from his scarf a folded piece of paper-Jenifer smirked, unnoticed, at the brief glimpse of a pendant hidden within-and read it aloud. "Big Brother, I found out we have a cousin on Earth. So I mailed myself to her. I'll call and leave a message when I get there and do it again when I think you've woken up. Love, Sicily. PS. I baked some of those Prinny cookies everyone likes and left some in the pantry for you." Laharl folded the note back up. "I took one of my naps, and when Ioke up Sicily was gone, the note was on top of my casket. I checked the calls, there was no message from Sicily. I waited a day and she didn't call and then I started looking for her myself." The Overlord was uncharacteristically serious and solemn.

A further testament to how serious the situation was was Overlord Laharl not pushing Archangel Flonne off when she hugged him "I'll help find her."

"As will we!" Shouted Gordon. "How could we call ourselves heroes if we wouldn't help an old friend find a lost girl."

Flonne released the Overlord from her hug and stepped back. "Now, all we need is Miss Etna and it'll be just like old times! We'll find Sicily for sure."

"Etna and her apprentice are at a wedding," Laharl stated, "she'll be back tomorrow morning. Which means," the Overlord said with his lips curled into a wicked grin. "That tomorrow we're going to find Sicily and give this so called cousin a piece of my mind."

Many, many Earths away, in a house full of super powered teenagers, Taylor Hebert, alias Akuma, sneezed.


	25. Chapter 25

**A Hell of a Time**

A sneeze. A god damned sneeze, on top of everything else. Two days ago, after the deal between the PRT and the Undersiders had been finalized, Coil had somehow escaped from custody. The PRT had been afraid of Coil coming after me again, for revenge, or going after the Undersiders since Tattletale-or Lisa had been the one who gave the PRT the tip-off about Coil's base. So, for the sake of everyone's combined safety, the Undersider's moved in. As did some girl who was apparently Grue-Brian's sister, though she kept vanishing on us. There were PRT Vans outside the house as added security-Piggot had said that they could have done more if we'd all joined the Wards but understood that it wasn't an option for complicated reasons. At least I was getting to miss school

"Tell me, again," I said, "why everyone decided to move into my house?"

"The same reason I was so insistent that we join up with you," Lisa replied with an exaggerated fox-like grin. It'd been on her face ever since she'd seen that picture of my Mom with that dragon. Apparently, the thought of one of her most out there predictions had her absolutely giddy. "Coil dropped literally everything-plans to get every Thinker and Tinker in the city either on his payroll or enslaved to his will, plans to bring high level villains into the city in such a way as to keep them under his thumb, plans to drive Lung and Kaiser out of the city, plans to discredit the Director of the PRT, just to get you to be under his thumb or dead." She sounded just a bit too cheery as she said that. "I don't know why, but if you're that bullshit then next to you is probably the safest place in the city."

I blinked. "Okay, that makes sense." I took a deep breath. "Since he apparently knows I'm a demon." Regent-Alec stared at me for a moment, just as he did every other time that came up. "So Coil escaped, Hookwolf is after you guys because he and Bitch have a disagreement about the acceptability of dog fighting as a sport, And Lung still wants to fight me... Anyone else who wants us dead?"

"Tyrant Overlord Baal might show up to harass you," Sicily interjected, "but I'm sure Big Brother will show up before then and be there to beat him up for you. It's kind of his hobby."

"Who makes it a hobby to beat up one specific awesomely named person?" Brian's sister-I'd have to learn her name at some point-asked after popping up from nowhere. "And why?"

"Big Brother says it's about showing the Universe who the boss is," Sicily answered, "But Etna and Lady Flonne think that it's because Tyrant Baal killed our Dad."

The young black girl nodded in understanding and faded back into the background.

"What I'm wondering," Lisa continued once the interruptions ceased, "really, is why things are going so smoothly for us, all things considered? You'd think there'd be at least one sticking point, one person in the PRT or Protectorate chain of command would be against us getting off scot-free or on giving you Coil's old lair, but everything went so smoothly... too smoothly, and too fast." She looked around, at her teammates... my teammates. "It's almost like some shadowy secret organization is conspiring to make things go in our favor."

"It's because Taylor's the main character," Sicily added helpfully. I'd have to ask what she meant later since I'm pretty sure I'm not the protagonist of a video game, web novel, fanfic, or any other work of fiction.

"Oh," Lisa said simply. "Oh. Oh god." She then fell to the floor and curled into the fetal position while repeating "Oh my god" at various tones and volumes. I'd probably have to look into that later.

I turned to Dad, who was just sitting in his chair and reading the paper. "How are you handling this insanity so well?"

"Taylor," He began, "I spent years married to Demon Royalty and longer dating her. Trust me, after everything your mother and I did this is more of a return to normalcy than insanity."

"Okay then."

Then there was a knock at the front door. I went over to it and opened it and found Oni Lee just standing there. My first thought was to wonder how exactly he managed to get past the PRT vans in full costume and mask. Then the man handed me an envelope, turned around, and dissolved into ash. I closed the door and locked it.

I felt the envelope, to make sure there was nothing but a letter in it, then opened it.

 _Akuma_

 _We have unfinished business._

 _Meet at Somer's rock, Wednesday, at ten PM, to settle the score._

 _Lung._

 _PS: enclosed is a note for the otaku._

I took the second note, noting that it was written in Japanese characters, and handed it to Sicily.

"How rude!" she exclaimed after reading it.

"What does it say?"

"If I catch one sign of you any f-word where near my most serene highness or summer's rock while I'm talking to the demon girl, I'll f-word kill her, you, anyone else in the f-word bar, and burn the whole f-word city block to the f-word ground. PS. Considering the sullying of my native script to be my one and only indulgence for you that f-word..." She stopped reading for a second. "I can't make out the word but I think he was trying to say 'weeaboo.' and then he said seriously I'll F-word kill you."

I blinked. "Okay, you're not coming with me on Wednesday. Who wants to help me get to at least level fifty by Wednesday?"

"OH GOD!" Lisa screamed from her position on the floor. Then everybody but Sicily and I spaced out for a second.


	26. Chapter 26

**A Hell of A Time**

I was nervous. I'd only managed to make it to level 25 before Wednesday. I mean, the new technique I'd figured out would help, the former Undersiders were all up to 25 too, so I think we might be able to beat Lung in a fight, if it comes to that, and I guess the throws and holds Brian showed me might be useful... even if I had a bit of trouble paying attention thanks to the handsome piece of eye candy teaching them. That's one of his titles now. He'd gained "Handsome Piece of Eye Candy" as a title at some point.

I'd talked with the PRT reps who were supposed to be protecting us, and they'ed relayed it to the Director, and I'd been fitted with a wire, you do not want to know where, and sent to the meeting. If things fo south, Miss Militia and Armsmaster would be on the spot within five minutes.

So the former Undersiders and I walked into a nondescript hole in the wall bar. "Now, Akuma Daimaou-sama" Tattle said with a too-wide smile, "the staff hear is deaf so you have to write your order down. They have most liquors, five kinds of tea, and they have Coke and Pepsi. Officially the fact that the staff is deaf is the reason why all the villains meet here, but it's really because they have both sodas." Lisa hadn't been quite right ever since the little fit she'd had the other day ended. "There's no violence, weapons, or powers here, so the big dragon bastard is probably just going to try to bully you into apologizing for running him over or else schedule the real fight." She blinked behind her mask. "Oh, and he doesn't own the Ruby Dreams Casino," she said as an afterthought. "That's just fanon. You know, in case it comes up." Poor Lisa lost her mind it seems, but at least she doesn't look at me like I'm crazy when I mention levels.

We all sat down at one table, all on the same side, and a few moments later Lung came in carrying a deluxe model Lay-Z-Boy brand recliner chair, which he sat down at the table and immediately began lounging in. He opened his mouth to speak, but was drowned out by the sudden yelling from outside, like someone talking on loudspeakers: "Come out villains!" Came a voice that sounded like it was being run through a modulator to make it sound like a grown woman.

Without a word exchanged between us, both Lung and I stood and walked outside. Standing in front of a bicycle was a figure in blue, plastic looking armor like something that I think a few Japanese heroes wore before Japan went to hell. The armor was sculpted in such a way as to make the figure resemble a fit and muscular young woman... but it did nothing to hide the fact that she was like, 13 at the absolute oldest by her height. "Evil beware, for an ally of Justice approaches!" Oh god, she was posing. Waving her hands in the air, forming "V" shapes with her arm, flipping around, and stomping her feet like some kind of lunatic. "to repent her sins, the Great Prinnirider shall defeat all villains, dood!" She then pointed to Lung and me, "so surrender or face judgment, dood." It was then that I noticed that her helmet kind of looked like a sylizd "cool" Prinny.

Lung palmed his mask. "fucking weeaboos are coming out of the woodwork these days," he said flatly. Then Sicily jumped out of a random trash can. "Case in point."


	27. Chapter 27

**A Hell of a Time**

"Will you surrender, dood," called out the so named Prinnirider or whatever her name was, "or will I have to take you down with force, Villains?"

"We're not villains," I called back to her... "Well, he is" I pointed to Lung who seriously looked like he was trying to decide if it would be better if this was a bit or not. "And I guess my team technically used to be-"

"Don't lie Villain!" The little girl interrupted, "I did my homework on this, only villains meet at this place, dood."

"...Who the fuck are you?"

"I told you, I am the Ally of Justice Prinnirider, returned to this world just after my death to repent my sins through acts of heroism dood!"

"No," I said, "seriously. You're like, thirteen at the oldest despite your voice thingy and your sculpted on abs and your boobplate." I mean, honestly, I'd have said something about it being inappropriate but if the PRT's PR guys let Vista get away with it... "What kind of sins could someone your age have accomplished?"

"You'd be surprised," Regent chimed in, "kids her age and younger are capable of some seriously fucked up shit under the right circumstances." I suppressed a shudder at the reminder of who my teammate used to be.

"She's obviously Bonesaw," Tattletale said out of nowhere.

"Wh-nh-f-huh." the self-proclaimed hero stuttered. "Am not, dood!"

"Tattletale, I know you've been out of it for a few days, but that's no excuse," Grue declared, "with that one sentence you have forever sealed your fate as being the stupidest smart person I've ever met."

"No, I'm serious," Tattletale began explaining, "I asked Sicily about the prinnies: They're the souls of sinners made to do manual labor in the afterlife to repent for their sins." Oh. Oh my god. I let one of them give me a neck rub. "She also explained how sometimes, for whatever reason a Prinny can't be given a prinny body so they get to keep their old one, and cyborgs get to keep their machine parts regardless: Prinnirider is clearly Unprinny Bonesaw, a child who just died, committed a shitload of sins that weren't necessarily actually her fault, and who the author of this piece of shit has repeatedly stated is their favorite character."

"I'm not Bonesaw dood!" the hero whined. God, that sounded weird through her voice modulator.

"Oh, sorry." Tattletale corrected with a smile. "That's right, Bonesaw is the 'passenger.' Anyway, there's also the interlude that's just Bonesaw crying and then being sent to Hades to become a Prinny and the author's repeated claims that he gave Bonesaw an expanded role in this fic because someone complained about her getting mercy, and then there were those previews from a few months ago-"

"Lisa!" Sicily interrupted, "you're not supposed to break the fourth wall that much!"

"Oh, you did not just my real name in public while I'm in costume!"

"Does it matter?" Sicily replied, "I mean, you guys did all just move in with a known hero who doesn't have a secret identity and I'm pretty sure the neighbors have seen everybody coming in and out both in and out of costume, so..."

"Akuma Daimaoh-sama," Lisa said in reference to myself while Lung palmed his mask again and muttered something about fucking weeaboos, "when we get home I'm going to have a long talk with your cousin about the Unspoken Rules-not the unwritten ones, those are fanon."

Suddenly half the street was on fire. "Enough talk!" shouted Lung as he began transforming into a massive rage dragon, "fight time now."

"Have at thee Villains!" Replied not-Bonesaw while drawing a massive Gatling gun from nowhere. "...dood."

"God damn it all," I said as I took my battle stance. At least my combat gloves had finally arrived and then turned invisible when I put them on. That was fucking weird.


	28. Chapter 28

**Interlude: The Clockblockening**

Vista and Clockblocker were both glaring at Shadow Stalker, not for the first time, as Kid Win finished an illicit modification to the Wards' Television, patching through a line to the cameras and bugs being used to monitor the latest incident with Akuma.

"Will you stop glaring at me!" the former vigilante demanded.

"Look at that!" Vista declared as she pointed to Akuma and the villains she had been given to reform as they began to fight Lung. "They are letting Akuma get away with murder-almost literally. I looked it up, Hellhound has killed at least three people and they're letting her get away with it because her team works for Akuma now."

"I don't know what you did to her," Clockblocker continued from where the Geomancer left off, "but she was almost a Ward. If it weren't for you, we'd be the ones getting away with everything."

"Why are you assuming that I did something to her?" Shadow Stalker countered.

"Becuase she had a panic attack when you showed up and recognized her," Gallant offered, "and then she told Director Piggot she had a history with one of us. Honestly, whatever it is you did you should probably apologize for it."

Shadow Stalker stomped off.

"Dennis?" Vista said, "does this count as movie night? Becuase if it does it's your turn to get the popcorn."

"But the girl in the penguin suit just said something about cyborgs," Clockblocker protested, "I want to see where that goes."

"It is your turn," Aegis reminded him. Sighing in defeat, Clockblocker got up from the couch and immediately stumbled into a patch of shimmering air that had not been there a second ago. The white armored hero felt a strong sensation of falling as he heard Vista swear, and then nothing.

 **Sometime Later**

"I think he's waking up," said a voice that was dripping in heavenly cuteness. Dennis opened his eyes and noticed that his helmet had been taken off.

"Good," came an odd voice. Like the person was trying to be cute and gruff at the same time. "Ask him where he came from and why he landed on top of me."

"Beep boob beep," came a machine like voice, "scan complete, he's from a different Earth."

"I still can't believe that there's more than one," came yet another voice, somewhere between a mature woman and a brat.

"Is it really that surprising Ms. Etna?" came the cute voice again, "I mean, there are billions of netherworld's and human world, so is it really so strange that there'd be more than one Human World with the same name?"

Dennis sat up. "Um... Hello?" He took in the odd collection of characters around him-and noticed that two of them had the same demon-eyes and elf ears that Akuma did. "Um... I don't know what, exactly, happened but..."

"But you assaulted me," said the gruff but cute voice, belonging to a blue-haired boy... with a ridiculous haircut and a big-ass scarf. "Even if it was an accident, assaulting The Overlord cannot be forgiven so easily." Dennis did not like the look in the boy's evil eyes. "I'm looking for someone, and you'll pay for your crime by helping me find her."

And then something strange happened. Words appeared before Dennis's eyes: "Clockblocker became Overlord Laharl's Vassal against his will."

"Well, shit."


	29. Chapter 29

**A Hell of a Time**

Regent looked at his hands shortly after he shot lightning from his fingers toward's Lung. "Since when can I do that?"

"Since we leveled up!" Lisa shouted. Then she jumped ten feet into the air and flipped just in time to dodge a runaway car that wasn't there a minute ago. The car crashed into Lung, knocked him on his ass, and peeled away into the aether. Lung swore.

Grue was hidden by a cloud darkness, and three of Bitch's dogs had come from absolutely nowhere already full sized and ready to attack, which they did. In unison. While Lung was still on the ground from the car. Ouch.

The rage dragon erupted from the dog pile, a giant, his face distorted and catlike and with the beginnings of wings forming at his back. This, this wasn't good. Sicily appeared next to me.

"Cousin!" She said while holding up a fist glowing with angelic energy. "Combo attack." I nodded and held up my own fist which began glowing and crackling with Cosmic Energy drawn straight from my heart. Lung glared at the two of us but just as our glowing fists reached their brightest we both charged him, faster than I thought I was capable of moving, and both punched him at once.

Lung exploded in a flash of white and light purple, then landed in a heap on the ground. "I think we should call that one Heavenly Punishment," Sicily declared out of the blue. It was a fitting name, so I nodded in agreement.

Not-Bonesaw was aiming her massive Gatling gun back and forth between me and the prone Lung. Suddenly, a bright red magic circle appeared around it and a storm of bullets and red energy arrows flew at me... Only for a line of Darkness to erupt from Grue's position, eat the hit, and vanish, leaving me unharmed.

"An attack negation?" The girl pretending to be a woman said, "no fair dood!" Seriously, I don't know how her voice modulator works but whatever it's doing makes whining sound really weird. "Oh well," she said, suddenly composed, "I bet you can't do it again!" Suddenly a rope descended from the sky-I looked up, there was literally nothing up their lowering it-and hitched itself to Prinnirider and lifted her high into the air. She did some kind of swinging routine that ended with her jumping off the rope, doing a flip, her fist catching fire, and her punching the ground, causing a fiery explosion that engulfed Sicily, Lung, and myself.

...and did not hurt the least bit. I checked Prinnirider's stat screen and-Holy shit!? She, class "Rider for Justice," titles "repentant soul," was only level one. And she was here trying to fight Lung? Lung killed children all the fuckling time and fought an Endbringer and she wasn't any stronger than I was on my first night as a cape fighting ordinary thugs. Regardless of how misguided Prinnirider was or whatever sins she may have committed to end up a Prinny, she was trying to do good now. I couldn't let her get hurt.

"...That was," Sicily said all of a sudden. She was... uh-oh.

"The blazing knuckle of Overlord Laharl!" Not-Bonesaw declared. "Modified with aspects of a few of Dark Hero Axel's skills dood. Thanks to a time dilation effect on the Netherworld, I was able to spend a year studying the powers and abilities of the greatest fighters of Celestia and the Netherworlds and combine them all within my cybernetic body, dood!" The girl sounded so proud of herself.

"I told you she was Bonesaw" Tattletale declared out of nowhere.

"For the last time! I'm not Bonesaw dood!"

"How dare you?" Sicily asked. "How dare you try and hurt me and my cousin with my Big Brother's technique?"

"Um..." The Masked hero charged Sicily with a fist drawn back. "Gordon Pu-" Sicily caught the physically older girl's fist barehanded. With her other hand, she summoned a postal service package just big enough for a human child a few feet away from us and effortlessly tossed the armored hero wannabe inside, the flaps closing as she landed.

Then, quickly but silently, Sicily picked the box up and threw it twenty or thirty feet away, where it was suddenly encased in a massive burst of ice, glistening spikes aimed up towards the sky. "Sicily, sto-" Before I could finish, a swirl of arctic wind had conjured a massive hammer of ice-easily ten or eleven times her size, at least-which she brought down, crushing the structure of ice and the box and child inside.

"Sicily... What have you done?"

"She was naughty and needed a spanking," the Demon Angel replied with the innocence of a child. I was about to protest that the child didn't need to die when Prinnirider suddenly fell out of the sky, landed ten feet from me with a thud. A flash of blue and the armored hero was replaced with a child, age ten or eleven, maybe twelve, in what looked like an elementary school uniform in white and blue and a prinny themed cap. Her hair was black in a pixie cut, and she was groaning in pain but otherwise seemed alright.

"What?" Sicily said, looking at me like I was crazy. "You didn't think I was going to kill her, did you?"

I turned from my cousin and the prone child-hero to find that my new teammates were still fighting Lung. Bitch had five more dogs for a total of eight and the flesh-tanks were, for lack of a better word, dog piling a massive four armed dragon. How the fuck has I not noticed that?

"▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅▃▄▄▅▅!" roared the dragon, a sound so loud and monstrous that I dare not even try to describe it, as he shook the dogs from him. He turned to face my cousin, myself, and the downed Prinirider. He exploded in fire and launched a blast at the downed child.

I didn't even realize that I'd moved it was so fast. I just found myself between the blast of fire and the child. It burned, badly. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced, but I was alive and so was Prinirider.

"You... saved me?" The child said weakly.

"I'm a Hero," I said. "It's what I do."

An alert flashed: Akuma gained the Title "Defender of Earth."

Grue did something with his darkness-Lung was engulfed in darkness and when it cleared, he was much smaller-just slightly larger than normal and covered in his metal scales. Whatever anti-power properties Grue's darkness had were really gonna come in handy.

Sicily flipped through her book and cast a healing spell on me that took the edge off my burns. With Lung so weakened, now would be the time to end this.

Time for my new move: I charged Lung and punched him so that he flied into the air. Then I jumped after him. Somehow, I was moving faster than he was and I managed to flip him in the air and set his neck on my shoulder. I grabbed the bastard's thighs, and then I started falling. Fast. I could feel G-forces affecting my body and then slammed into the ground ass first, pulling on Lung as I landed.

As hard as this was on my back, it would be harder on Lung's. And his neck. And his groin. I let him go and he landed on the ground with a thud.

"Was that..." He said, "was that the Kinnikubuster?"

"When I do it, it's called Akuma Buster."

"Fuck this, I'm out." And then Lung got up and walked away while mumbling "fucking weebs."

Five minutes later, I asked out loud: "Did we seriously just let him walk away?"

"Yes," I heard Lisa say, "yes we did." I stood up and looked around, everyone else seemed fine, miraculously enough-Bitch was suddenly in a pile of dogs-and then I heard a puff of smoke and the "bring-bring" of a bicycle. I turned and saw Prinnirider speeding off into the distance.

 _Then_ the PRT heroes who were supposed to be watching our backs showed up. "Where the fuck were you?" Assault of the Protectorate was on point and was about to answer when a thought occurred to me. "Oh, and Lung left his Lay-Z-Boy in the bar. Can I have it, or is that evidence?"


	30. Chapter 30

**A Hell of a Time**

I was reclined in my new throne, located in the most "throne room" like room of my new lair(finally turned over to me) while looking through certain documents that the PRT had handed over as an apology for completely and utterly failing to be there when the fight had started. Apparently, one of the Wards had just up and disappeared and the sudden emergency had caused some kind of confusion. At least, they were pretty sure that Coil wasn't coming after us, so the Undersiders had moved out of my house. Thank God.

My thoughts, however, weren't on Coil or Clockblocker. They were on the little girl that had attacked us and Lung. The PRT didn't really believe us about the demons and angels and magic, so I couldn't exactly say 'she's the ghost of a little girl trying to repent her sins so that she can move on,' but I was able to say that I was worried about the obviously misguided young heroine who'd claimed to be trying to redeem herself. The PRT, still strangely permissive of me for some reason that I wasn't going to question, had provided documents on female villains and rogues in the right age range as well as a handful of publicized incidents that might have been suitable triggers-especially ones where someone was presumed dead or had been missing for a while.

Despite Lisa's insistence, I discarded Bonesaw more or less immediately. I mean, she was dead so she could be a Prinny... Well, Unprinny. I really needed o look more into this netherworld stuff. But Bonesaw was a psycho-the kind of psycho that other psychos flock to see what they'll do next, a Michelangelo of Murder, a Van Goh of gore, a Mozart of Mutilation, a significantly more morbid Poe. Someone like that didn't just turn over a new leaf, dead or not. Also, Prinnirider was a brunette, Bonesaw was blonde.

Unfortunately, none of the other people I'd been given information on seemed to fit the bill either. They all had powers that Prinnirider hadn't demonstrated, and not one of them had anything even tangentially related to cyborgs or power copying.

I set the papers down and got up to stretch my legs. She'd turn up eventually.

*Meanwhile*

Greg opened his window when he heard the tapping. It was late, very late, but he needed to let his guest in. He opened his window, and an eleven or twelve year old girl climbed in.

"You okay?" Greg asked.

"Yeah. I just kind of botched my first day out," the girl in the penguin hat said. "Being a hero is hard."

"Don't worry about it," Greg said, "you'll do great. You just need to get the hang of it."

Greg had been internet friends with Prinnirider prior to her death. He had trouble beliving her story at first, but when she came to him with such honesty and genuineness in her eyes, she had him convinced and he had to help.

"Thanks," she said. "You're a good friend. And thanks for letting me sleep in your closet, I know that must be a hassle."

"Oh, it's not trouble," Greg replied. Honestly, he could probably just tell his parents about it and they'd be fine with it. "Besides, it's just like one of my Japanese Animes."

"You will force that meme whenever, won't you?"

"Yep!"

and so Prinnirider went into Greg's walk-in closet and went to sleep. She needed to try again in the morning.

She hoped that Greg would never learn who she really was. He wouldn't like her anymore if he did.


	31. Chapter 31

**A Hell of a Time**

The arrow sunk into the center of the target with a thunk. I'd only just started training with my secondary weapon, but I was already hitting bullseyes more often than not. Was this a demon thing, or... I guess it doesn't matter.

"Akuma _Maou-sama_ ," came Lisa's voice. I turned towards the entrance of the target practice room of my lair to find Tattletale in full costume. I wasn't sure how I should feel about her ditching her domino mask for thick, black and white clown makeup. "There's a hero here to see you, she's waiting in the throne room."

I put my super fancy demon bow away and started walking to the room I'dstashed Lung's Lay-Z-Boy in. Tattletale had decided at some point that if I was going to be an "overlord" that I needed a "head-vassal" to manage my day to day things and appointed herself. Sicily had agreed, and Head-Vassal had added itself to Lisa's list of titles.

I had somehow managed to memorize every inch of Coil's former lair, so it wasn't until I'd flopped into my throne and raised the footrest that I came out of autopilot and saw that my guest was, rather than someone from the Protectorate or Wards, a woman in armor, holding a sword and shield, with a Mouse-Eared helmet.

"Mouse Protector?" I asked, and then immediately felt stupid. She was one of the first wards and, while not on the same level as the Triumvirate, she was still quite well known on the national stage for her sense of humor and love of humiliating villains and, in general, not taking being a Cape that serious. I reflexively checked her stat screen and noted that her Class was Hammy-Heroine and Defender of Earth was among her titles.

"Ha-ha!" she said, actually saying out the onomatopoeia of her laughter, "it seems that my reputation precedes me, Lady-Akuma."

"...Yes," I said with a forced grin, "now, what do you need?"

"Nothing major, just a matter of personal curiosity." She stuck her hand down the front of her tunic and pulled out a piece of paper that she must have been keeping between her boobs or something. "By any chance, M'lady, are you familiar with a pair of heroes who called themselves The Ratman and She-Demon?"

"I can't say that I a-" I was cut off by Mouse Protector shoving a photograph in my face and... what the?

The photo was old, warn, and low depth-it was clearly cut out of a tabloid or something, and the subjects were far from the camera, but that was clearly a college-age woman who looked and was dressed an awful lot like me next to someone in armor like Prinnirider's, but with a mouse-themed helmet rather than a prinny themed one and a tan color scheme to match.

"...That's my mom, I think," I admitted after a minute, "but I don't-"

"I knew it!" Mouse Protector declared with all the emotion of a fanboy who just found out that Alexandria was secretly dating Miss Militia. "I knew they were real!" And then she started jumping and dancing around my throne room while repeating "yes yes yes yes" over and over and over again.

Ten minutes later, after her fifteenth cartwheel, I cleared my throat and called out to her "Could you explain what's got you so excited, please?"

"The Ratman and She-Demon were a pair of heroes that operated for a brief time in the nineteen-eighties," Mouse Protector explained, "but, here's the catch, they predated Scion and only seemed to get reported on by tabloids and small time local newspapers in the region that happened to be in that week. And so, even after other heroes happened to show up, no one believed that the two of them really existed. Except me!" she declared, "when I learned about them, I tracked down every last scrap of information there was on them! They were such an inspiration that when I got powers of my own, I tried to model myself on Ratman. And now, I have proof that they're real!" It was impressive how she managed to say all of that so coherently without once stopping to breath or ceasing in her jumping cartwheel dance.

Then she pulled me out of my seat and trapped me in a crushing bear hug.

And that was what my team walked in on.

Regent immediately turned around, "we'll come back when you're done." he started to walk off, but Grue grabbed him by the back of his costume.

"Prinnirider has been spotted deep in Empire territory," Lisa explained, "and I figure that you'd want to do something before she gets herself killed."

"Okay," I replied. "Uh, Mouse. Could you let go of me? I have to go save a young heroine to be with a flair for theatrics before she gets in over her head and gets hurt."

Mouse Protector was silent for a moment. Then she let me go and said: "I'm in."

"Wait," I said in a haste, "that wasn't an invi-"

 **Mouse Protector Temporarily Joined Your Party Without Your Permission.**

"Damn it."


End file.
